II
A First-Night Glossary
Rotten—An adjective used to describe anything good.
Author—A noun used to designate the person who, in response to the applause, comes out upon the stage after the second act in a conspicuously new Tuxedo and talks as if he had written a play.
Laugh—A noise uttered by the audience whenever the comedian, casting an eye upon the prima donna’s hinter-décolleté, ejaculates, “I’m glad to see your back again.”
Grate—Something that is used to warm up vaudeville sketches.
Wholesome—An adjective used to describe any play which sacrifices art to morals.
Dramatic—An adjective used to describe a scene in which anything, from a vase to the seventh commandment, is broken.
Sympathy—The emotion felt by the audience for the woman character who lies, betrays, robs, deceives, steals, poisons, cheats, swindles, commits adultery, plays false, stabs, dupes or murders—in a beautiful gown.
Program—A pamphlet which assures the audience that the theatre is disinfected of germs with CN Disinfectant and that the play is disinfected of drama with actors.