1. Black moustache20 points
2. Riding boots36 points
3. Riding boots and crop47 points
4. Foreign accent (save Irish)29 points
5. Top hat8 points
6. Patent-leather shoes8 points
7. Long cigarette holder4 points
8. Well fitting clothes52 points
9. Sexual virility84 points
10. Good manners76 points
11. Inclination to believe that a woman over twenty is perfectly able to take care of herself91 points
12. Inclination to believe that a woman over twenty-five is perfectly able to take care of herself92 points
13. Inclination to believe that a woman over thirty is perfectly able to take care of herself93 points
14. Inclination to believe that women between the ages of thirty-five and ninety are perfectly able to take care of themselves94 points
15. Inclination to believe that women between the ages of twenty and ninety are perfectly able to take care of themselves if they want to, but that they usually don’t want to95 points
16. One who believes that when a woman is married she does not necessarily because of this fact lose all interest in the world82 points
16a.Or in a good time83 points
17. Boutonniere9 points
18. Suspicion on the part of the villain that the hero is a blockhead98 points
19. Verbal statement of the above fact by the villain99 points
20. Common sense100 points

A FRENCH VEST POCKET DICTIONARY

Containing such words and phrases, together with their pronunciation and meaning, as are necessary to the proper and complete understanding of the American “society play” in which they are generally employed.

Word or PhrasePronunciationMeaning
beau idéalbue idolTo smoke a cigarette in a long holder.
au faitaw fêteTo wear an artificial gardenia in the lapel of one’s evening coat.
comme il fautcomma ill faughLiterally: “As it should be.” To appear in the drawing-room in white tennis flannels.
billet douxBillie DeuceAnything written on lavender stationery.
bon soirbun sourGreetings!
valetvalleyA comedy-relief Jap.
ennui en-weeTo glance nonchalantly through Town Topics, yawn and throw it back on the table.
égalitéegg-all-lightLiterally: “equality.” A servant who, learning that his master is in financial straits, offers him, with tears in his eyes, his own meagre savings.
double ententedub’l on-tunderAny remark about a bed.
distinguédis-tang-wayA gentleman with a goatee.
Céléste[2]Seal-lestThe lady-friend of the producer.
coup d’étatcoop de tateSneaking the married heroine unobserved out of the bachelor apartment by letting her wear the housekeeper’s cloak.
gendarmeJohn DommeAn English actor in a New York traffic policeman’s uniform.
entréeentryA papier-maché duck.
faux pasfor PaTo wear the handkerchief in the pocket.
petite potateDesignation of the one hundred and seventy-two pound ingénue.
qui vivekey weaveTo step quickly on tiptoe to the door and listen, before going on with the conversation.
sang froidsang freudLeisurely to extract a cigarette from a gold cigarette-case.
garçongar-sunA bad actor who imitates Figman’s performance in “Divorcons.”
en déshabilléN. de ShabellLiterally: “In undress.” That is, dressed up in a couple of thousand dollars’ worth of lingerie.
mésalliancemess allianceAny girl whom the son of the family desires, in the first act, to marry.
en règlein riggleA butler who waits until the visitor has entered the drawing-room before taking his hat and stick.
à la modeallah modeTea at two o’clock in the afternoon.

[2] The maid.

WHAT YOU GET FOR YOUR MONEY

The box-office price of a theatre ticket is two dollars. The average play runs from 8.25 until 10.55—in other words, about two hours and a half. A total, that is, of one hundred and fifty minutes. The intermissions between the acts amount, at a rough estimate, to a total of about thirty-five minutes. Subtract the thirty-five minutes from the one hundred and fifty minutes, and we have left one hundred and fifteen minutes. You pay, therefore, two dollars for one hundred and fifteen minutes of entertainment, or about one and three-quarters cents a minute. Let us now see what you get for your money, and also the equivalent of what you could get for it did you spend it in other directions. A few illustrations may suffice to make one pause and reflect:

I
“Oh, oh, what have I done that I should be made to suffer so! It was because I love you that I acted as I did! But—you don’t understand; you won’t understand!! (Buries her face in her arms. He goes to mantel and stands gazing abstractedly into the grate.) If only I could make you see! Jim, oh Jim, please—for our children’s sake!”}1 glass of Pilsner
II
“And to think, darling, that you mistrusted me! To think you did not know from the first moment I saw you, in your youth and beauty, that I loved you! Your money? BAH! It’s you I love, sweetheart, with every fibre of my being—you, you! (He strains her to him.) Come into these arms, dear, these arms that have longed to clasp you within them. They shall ever be your haven from the toil and turmoil of the world. They shall protect you from temptation. I love you; I love you!” (He kisses her passionately.)}1 glass of Würzburger
III
“Listen, Hubert; it is but right you should know before you judge me. I wasn’t immoral; I was merely unmoral. I trusted him and he (she averts his gaze) deceived me. I was a girl, Hubert, a mere tender girl. He painted for my innocent eyes the splendor of a great career and I—I believed him. You must believe me, Hubert, you must believe me! I didn’t know—I didn’t know!! I believed him! You must believe me, Hubert, you must, you must! Look into my eyes and see for yourself it is the truth I am telling you!}1 glass of Hofbräu

Transcriber's Notes

A number of typographical errors were corrected silently.