All. Go on, Snowball. Fire away.
Snowball. Mr. Foreman and gemblem. Of course it am. Why not? And, if not, wherefore? I ax you. If de blessed Constitution of dese ere United States ob America don’t permit the humblest of her sex to choose de proper medicines for dar physical systerns, wedder it be gunpowder or gunpowder tea, what’s de use ob bein’ citizens and citizenesses of dese here republic? I ax you. Who’s Popgun? Am he, or am he not, a phusician? I ax you. I don’t care what his moral perquisites be, wedder he vote de demicratic or de bobolition. Does he cure de squills which air am flesh to? I ax you. When dat ar old man, which my white brudder alluded to, had de influendways, did he stop his sneezin? I ax you. When dat ar old woman hobble to him wid de rheumatics, did he straighten her out? I ax you. When dat ar baby squaked in its slumbers of midnight, did Popgun’s Dead Shot fix it? I ax you. If so, and you find it so,——and I ax you to find it so,——you are forced to acquit Popgun as a medical dedical sturgen and phusician——ob course you am; for don’ de stolid phalanx of justice circumbend every man on Columbia’s footstool, wedder black or white, male or female? and de aurora borealistic splendors of eternal vigilance abide in de scrutinized recesses of de enlightened jury-room? I ax you.
O’Rourke. Begorra! send for an interpreter.
Precise. Mr. Short.
Short (comes down to table). It’s my opinion, gentlemen, there’s been a great deal of time and gas wasted in our deliberations. I’ve got very few words to say on this subject. Popgun manufactured an article which the government said was gunpowder. Popgun denies it. That is the question for us to decide. We were shown in the court-room a sample of this disputed article. It looked like gunpowder; it smelt like gunpowder; it felt like gunpowder. I took away the box. Here it is. (Produces box.) Some of you think it is not gunpowder. I propose to give it a practical test. (Places box on table, takes off cover, takes a match out of his pocket.)
Timorous. What! You’re not going to fire it off!
Short. Don’t be alarmed. There’s only a pound or two. It can’t do much damage.
Strongfist. You’ll blow us all up!
Jolly. The man’s crazy.