Gentlemen of the Jury: A Farce

by George M. Baker

Short (holding the match). Now, gentlemen of the jury, here is a convincing test. Shall I apply it, or are you ready with a verdict?

All. No. Yes. Verdict. Verdict.

Short. Gentlemen, what is your verdict, guilty or not guilty?

All. Guilty.

Short. All right. Mr. Foreman, make out your papers. (Blows out match. All resume seats.)

Timorous. Well, I never had such a scare in all my life.

O’Rourke. By me soul! I say a wake a comin’ for the last of the O’Rourkes.

Snowball. By golly, I’m all ob a hot chill in my backbone.

Precise (who has been writing). Gentlemen, listen to your verdict. “We find the defendant, Peleg Popgun, guilty.”