Major (fiercely). Didn’t see me, stupid, swords and bayonets! Is this the way you receive patients?
Wiggins. Excuse me, sir; but you are so diminutive.
Major. Diminutive, sir! Look at my face! look at that moustache! Is there anything diminutive about that? I’d have you know, sir, that I am the equal of any man, in intellect, sir.
Wiggins. I really beg your pardon. To what do I owe the honor of this visit?
Major. My name is Fingers. I called to see you about my wife.
Wiggins. Your wife? You mean your mother.
Major. Swords and bayonets! sir, what do you mean? My wife, I said. Didn’t you know I was married? I thought everybody knew it. Married in New York. Great eclat. Everybody turned out. Married in style, style. Yes, sir, style.
Wiggins (aside). What a young bantam.
Major. Now, sir, I have come to you on a very important matter. No listeners about, hey?
Wiggins. Not a soul.