“O God! I cannot bear it longer. Hast thou NO help for me?”
Instinctively almost I knew that Catherine Weir was beside me, though I could not see where she was. In a moment more, however, I thought I could distinguish through the darkness—imagination no doubt filling up the truth of its form—a figure crouching in such an attitude of abandoned despair as recalled one of Flaxman’s outlines, the body bent forward over the drawn-up knees, and the face thus hidden even from the darkness. I could not help saying to myself, as I took a step or two towards her, “What is thy trouble to hers!”
I may here remark that I had come to the conclusion, from pondering over her case, that until a yet deeper and bitterer resentment than that which she bore to her father was removed, it would be of no use attacking the latter. For the former kept her in a state of hostility towards her whole race: with herself at war she had no gentle thoughts, no love for her kind; but ever
“She fed her wound with fresh-renewed bale”
from every hurt that she received from or imagined to be offered her by anything human. So I had resolved that the next time I had an opportunity of speaking to her, I would make an attempt to probe the evil to its root, though I had but little hope, I confess, of doing any good. And now when I heard her say, “Hast thou NO help for me?” I went near her with the words:
“God has, indeed, help for His own offspring. Has He not suffered that He might help? But you have not yet forgiven.”
When I began to speak, she gave a slight start: she was far too miserable to be terrified at anything. Before I had finished, she stood erect on her feet, facing me with the whiteness of her face glimmering through the blackness of the night.
“I ask Him for peace,” she said, “and He sends me more torment.”
And I thought of Ahab when he said, “Hast thou found me, O mine enemy?”
“If we had what we asked for always, we should too often find it was not what we wanted, after all.”