Volume Two—Chapter One.
The Poor-Boxes.
Mrs Ruggles thought that it was her place, and said so; but Mr Purkis was of opinion that it was his place, and he said so—bringing forward, too, the fact that he had looked after them ever since the new ones had been placed inside the north and south doors. And, in spite of Mrs Ruggles’ opposition, the beadle still continued to polish the quaint imitation antique steel hinges and claspings of the two little oak poor-boxes, while, to his great annoyance, Mrs Ruggles used to go and rub them over again.
Very proud was Mr Purkis of those boxes and their meandering steel-work and corners, of which there was so much that but little of the wood was left visible; and nearly all that was covered by the guards round the keyhole and slit through which the charitably-disposed of the congregation were in the habit of dropping their contributions.
“You see the place is so damp, sir,” Mr Purkis said to Jared; “and it’s not in my constitooshun to let a woman like that Mrs Ruggles go about and grin like a dog in the city, and sneer because there’s a speck on the ornyments, and then pretend that she’s so ashamed of their state that she’s obliged to polish them up herself. But they’re a mortal trouble to keep bright—they’re as hard to keep bright as a man’s conscience, sir; they tarnish like gold lace, although I’ve tried everything I know of, beginning with sand-paper, sir, and going down to Bath bricks and emery powder. Do you know, sir,” he said, mysteriously, “it goes agen me to speak of her, she being, as it were, one of us; but, sir, it’s my belief as she damps and moistens the steel on the sly, or spits upon them, o’ purpose to aggravate my spirit and make the things rust. In fack, I caught her agen one, about a week ago. Every respect to you, sir, but I wish now as Mrs Purkis had took the post, sir; for Mrs Ruggles makes herself very okkard, and altogether she’s a woman as Mrs Purkis don’t like, and I can assure you as a fack that when my missus takes a dislike to any one, that person ain’t worth much.
“You see, sir, she’s a dry sort of a woman, and very hard; and if she was my wife, I should never expect as there’d be any gravy with the meat for dinner. That’s one of the great differences in wives, sir. Ruggles wouldn’t never have been so full of wrinkles and furrers in his face if he’d had plenty of gravy. Look at me, sir; I’m a hearty man, work hard, and do a rattling good business in boots and shoes, princip’lly ready-mades. I weigh seventeen stone, and I’m pretty happy, sir; and what’s the reason? Gravy, sir, gravy! You never sit down to our table without seeing plenty of gravy on it. Even when it’s cold-meat day, sir, there’s always a little saved in a tea-cup to eat with your potatoes. My wife was a cook, you know, sir, when I married her, and she well knows the vally of gravy. She won my heart with it, sir, and keeps it too. It’s the real milk, of human kindness. You never knew a woman who loved gravy, and liked to see others enjoy it, leather a child as that woman leathers that child of their’n. Ruggles thinks she’s a wonder, and of course it would be a sin to undeceive him; but I’m pretty sure of one thing, and that is, that there’s never any gravy to speak of on Ruggles’ table.”
And after his long speech, Mr Purkis, who had just come home very moist and oozy from the church, after having a good polish at the poor-boxes, handed Jared the church keys for him to go and practise.
It was not very far from Purkis’s boot and shoe emporium to St Runwald’s, and when Jared reached the gates, he stood looking round for his boy—the invisible Ichabod—who was of a very mercurial temperament, and, if first upon the spot, given to indulgence in overing tombstones or standing upon one leg on the top; walking, at the risk of being impaled, round the iron railings of the family vaults; swarming up the rain water-pipes, and turning himself into a living gargoyle; throwing stones into the mouths of the corbels and breaking the windows; carving his initials in the mouldering stone, where “I.G.” could often be distinguished, more often, however, with another letter added, greatly to Ichabod’s disgust, by evil-disposed street boys, who mocked at his costume generally, and pulled his “tawsel” cap. The consequence of this was that the word, “P.I.G.” graced the walls of the church in several places. Before now Ichabod had been upon the roof, and marked out the size of his shoe with a knife-point in the soft lead, and had been upon the top of the tower and amongst the bells, and down in the vaults, where he told his schoolfellows he had seen a live ghost; and the only wonder was, that in all Ichabod’s travels he had never been mutilated or killed.
Jared Pellett looked for him east and west, north into the porch, and south towards the street; but there was no Ichabod in sight, so he shook his head, and said to himself that Ichabod was a bad boy—a fact that he had taken into consideration scores of times before—and then applying the large key, he entered the church and swung to the door.