“Thank you. I would rather take some other boy’s opinion,” cried the Doctor sarcastically. “Your eyes don’t look as if you can see clearly. There, it is plain enough to me that you were all in the wrong, and I feel greatly annoyed to find my young gentlemen conducting themselves like the disreputable low boys who frequent the fairs and racecourses of the county. Look at yourselves. Did you ever see such a ghastly sight? Burr major, your face is horrible. As for you, Dicksee, I am ashamed of you. Suppose any of your relatives presented themselves at this moment, and wanted to see you. What could I say? There, actually, as I speak, I can hear wheels coming up the road, and, as they are light wheels, they must either be those of visitors, or of the butcher’s cart—I—er—mean some trade-person’s cart, which is not likely at this time of day. Fighting, young gentlemen, is a brutal practice, dating back to the very earliest ages of mankind, and no doubt imitated from the wild beasts whom they saw around them. Whereas you live in these later days, in the midst of civilisation in its highest, most cultivated forms, so that there is no excuse whatever for your acts.”
The Doctor coughed, and the two ushers looked at each other and nodded their approval.
“Look at yourselves,” continued the Doctor; and we all turned sharply to gaze in a small circular mirror at the end of the library.
“No, no,” said the Doctor blandly, “I did not mean at your bodily disfigurations in the glass, but at the mental blurs in your natures. I— There, boys!” he cried suddenly; “I am not in the vein to moralise in this way, so I must speak plainly. I am ashamed of you, and, occupying as I do toward you the temporary position of parent, I honestly declare that if I did my duty by you, I should get a cane or a rod, and flog you all severely, but—”
“May I come in?” said a pleasant voice, and the door was slightly opened.
“Yes, my dear. No! engaged. What is it?”
“That lady and gentleman have driven over from Rye about their sons,” said Mrs Doctor, coming right in; “and— Oh, my dears! what have you been doing?”
“There, there, Matilda!” cried the Doctor hastily. “Go back! I’ll come in a few minutes;” and he hurried the pleasant old lady out of the room, before turning to us.
“There! you see,” he cried,—“you see the effect your appearance has upon one who always takes the greatest of interest in you, and, er—Mr Rebble, I feel disposed to be lenient this time, as the boys have pretty well punished themselves. I leave it to you. Moderate impositions. There, go at once and shut yourselves up in your dormitories. No, more fighting, mind, or I shall be as severe as the sternest tyrant you read of in your classic studies.”
He hurried out of the library, and the ushers took us all into custody again, and led us out into the playground.