“I know my poor old nurse is in sad trouble, and that there must be times when she feels all the past cruelly. But do you forget what we are taught about patience under affliction? Do you ever pray for help to bear all this as you should?”
“No, no,” cried the woman fiercely; “I feel sometimes as if I dare not pray.”
“There, there,” said Claude, laying her hand tenderly upon the woman’s arm, “you must not talk like that. You are ill and upset to-day. Try and be patient. Come, you are not quite alone in the world, Sarah. I am your friend.”
The woman kissed her hand again passionately, as she moaned to herself in the agony of her spirit, for there before her she seemed to see her husband’s reproachful eyes, and to hear his voice as he bade her be strong, and keep down all weak feelings of love for others till she had accomplished the terrible revenge.
“Come, come, come,” said Claude gently. “I was in hopes that you were growing happier and more contented. Try to be. Time will soften all this pain. I know how terribly you have suffered, and that my words must sound very weak and commonplace to you; but you will be more patient, and bear all this.”
The agonising emotion seemed to choke all utterance, for a fierce battle was going on within the woman’s breast. Love for her young mistress strove with the feeling of duty to the dead, and the superstitious horror of breaking that vow voluntarily; and at last, excusing herself, she hurried away to her room to lock herself in, and throw herself upon her knees to pray for help—to pray that she might be forgiven, and spared from the terrible task placed upon her as a duty to fulfil.
But no comfort came, only a hard sensation of fate drawing her on till she grew feverish and restless. Red spots burned in her sallow cheeks, and she rose from her knees at last with a heavy, lowering look in her eyes, as she muttered to herself—
“Yes, it must be done. It is fate. He knew better than I, and saw with dying eyes what was right. Yes, I cannot go back now.”
That night Sarah Woodham lay long awake, suffering a mental agony such as comes to the lot of few. Her woman’s nature rebelled against her fate, for beneath the hard, morose shell there was an abundance of the gentle milk of human kindness; but her long married training in the hard letter of the sect to which her husband belonged had placed her self-styled duty so to the front that it had become an idol—a stern, tyrannical idol, who must at all costs be obeyed, and she shrank with horror, as at a sin of the most terrible nature, from daring to disobey the injunction laid upon her by the dead.
Religion belief and superstitious dread joined hand in hand to force her onward, and she lay shivering in her bed, reproaching herself for striving to escape from the fulfilment of her husband’s last command.