Perhaps he may call again; but he will have to call again, and again, and again, and very loudly too, before he gets in to talk upon particular business.
Now, it may seem strange that after this I should express great admiration for the system of assurance; but I do admire it, and consider it the duty of every poor man to try and make some provision for the future of those he may leave behind. But one cannot help feeling suspicious of offices that are in the habit of forcing themselves so unpleasantly upon your notice, and sinking their professional respectability in the dodges and advertising and canvassing tricks of the cheap “to be continued in monthly parts” book-hawker, or the broken down tradesman, who leaves goods for your inspection. One has learned to look upon the quiet, flowing stream as the deepest and safest to bear the bark; for the rough, bubbling water speaks of shoals, rocks, and quicksands, with perchance “snags and sawyers,” ready to pierce the frail bottom.
Once more alone, I referred to the circular left upon my table, where beneath my age and the sum per cent, that I should have to pay, was a broad pencil-mark, emanating from the eminently gentlemanly gold pencil-case of my visitor. But in spite of unheard-of advantages, liberal treatment, large bonus distribution every five years, with a great deal more duly set forth in the paper, I shall not assure in that office, for I made my mind up then in the half-hour of anger, when I could not get the Count to exclaim anything, although I tried so hard. He was awe-stricken, certainly; but as I had painted him, he would keep changing into a gentlemanly man, charged with life assurance principles. So I read what I had written, saw the error of my ways, and knowing too well that a certain conductor would reject it after the first page, I sighed, tore off a portion, and used it to illumine a cigar; and then took for my hero the morning’s visitor—writing this paper, which I trust may have a better fate.
Chapter Twenty Seven.
The Decline of the Drama.
’Tain’t no use, sir; times is altered and the people too. What with yer railways, and telegraphs, and steam, and penny noosepapers, people knows too much by half, and it’s about all dickey with our profession. People won’t stop and look: they thinks it’s beneath ’em; and ’tain’t no good to get a good pitch, for the coppers won’t come in nohow. Why what’s innocenter or moraller than a Punch and Judy? “Nothing,” says you, and of course there ain’t. Isn’t it the showing up of how wice is punished and wirtue triumphant in a pleasant and instructive manner. Ov course it is. But no, it won’t do now. Punches is wore out; and so’s Fantysheenys and tumbling; for people’s always wanting a something noo, just as if anything ought to be noo ’cept togs and tommy. Ain’t old things the best all the world over? You won’t have noo paintings, nor noo wine, and you allus thinks most o’ old books and old fiddles; so what do you want with a noo sort o’ Punch?
Here I am a-sitting up in the old spot; there’s the theayter in the back-yard, with the green baize and the front up here on account o’ the rain. There you are you see, turn him round. There’s a given up to the calls o’ the time. “Temple of Arts” you see on the top, in a ribbon, with Punch holdin’ on wun side and comical Joey holding on t’other. There’s the strap and box, if you’ll open it, and there’s the pipes on the chimbly-piece. There’s everything complete but the drum, and that we was obliged to lend to the ’Lastic Brothers, for theirs is lent, uncle you know, and Jem Brown, one on ’em, says he lost the ticket, though it looks werry suspicious.
But, now, just open that box, and lay ’em out one at a time on the table, and you’ll just see as it ain’t our fault as we don’t get on. An’ take that ere fust. ’Tain’t no business there, but it’s got atop somehow. That’s the gallus that is, and I allus would have as galluses ought to be twiste as big, but Bill Bowke, my pardner, he says as it’s right enough, and so I wouldn’t alter. Now there you are! Look at that, now! There’s a Punch! Why, it’s enough to bring tears in yer eyes to see how public taste’s fell off. There was four coats o’ paint put on him, besides the touchins up and finishins, and at a time, too, when browns were that scarce it was dreadful. There, pull ’em out, sir; I ain’t ashamed o’ the set, and hard-up as I am at this werry moment, I wouldn’t take two pound for ’em. There, now. Pull ’em out. That’s Joe, and he’s got his legs somehow in the beadle’s pocket. Quite nat’ral, ain’t it? just as if he was a rum ’un ’stead of only being a doll, you know. That’s the kid as you’ve dropped. That ain’t much account, that ain’t; for you see babies never does have any ’spression on their faces, and anything does to be chucked outer window; and the crowd often treads on it, bless you. There’s a Judy, too; only wants a new frill a-tacking on her head for a cap, and she’s about the best on the boards, I’ll bet. You see I cared ’em myself, and give the whole of my mind to it, so as the faces might look nat’ral and taking. Mind his wig, sir. Ah! that wants a bit o’ glue, that does, and a touch o’ black paint. You see that’s the furrin gentleman as says nothin’ but “Shallabala,” and a good deal o’ the back of his head’s knocked off. There you are, you see, bright colours, good wigs, and nicely dressed. That’s the ghost. Looks thin? well, in course, sperrets ain’t ’sposed to be fat. Head shrunk? Well, ’nuff to make it. That’s Jack Ketch; and that’s the coffin; and that’s the devil. We don’t allus bring him out, and keeps the ghost in the box sometimes, according to the company as we gets in. Out in the streets the people likes to see it all; not as they often do, for we generally gets about half through, and then drops it, pretending we can’t get coppers enough to play it out, when the real thing is as the people’s sucked dry, and won’t tip any more, or we’d keep it up; but in the squares and gentlemen’s gardings it ain’t considered right for the children, so we gives the play in a mutilated form, don’t you see.