April 30. This morning at seven I arrived at Hamburg. Nothing particular happened during the passage, except that we stuck fast, in a shallow part of the river, through the carelessness of one of the sailors; but the Lord heard prayer, and after a little while the steamer could ply again.
May 1. Yesterday and today I spent in an hotel at Hamburg in writing letters. I had also, though staying at an hotel, much real communion with God in reading the Scriptures and in prayer. This evening I embarked for London.
May 4. London. Left Hamburg on the 2nd. Had a fine passage. I have, by the mercy of God, been kept from light and trifling conversation; but I have not confessed the Lord Jesus as plainly as I ought to have done. This afternoon I arrived at the house of my dear friends in London, who received me with their usual kindness. After prayer I see it my duty to leave tomorrow for Leamington, to see my physician there once more, and then to go as soon as I can to Bristol.
May 5. Leamington. Through the mercy of the Lord the journey to Germany, concerning which I had prayed so often, is now over, and I am safely brought back again to this place.—It has been a wet and cold day, but God has in mercy preserved me from injury, though I got wet. I had some conversation with a clergyman on the coach; I confessed the Lord Christ a little, but not plainly enough.—I had asked the Lord to give me a quiet and cheap resting place in my former lodgings, if it might be, and accordingly they were unlet.
May 7. This morning I left Leamington for Bristol. I had grace to confess the Lord Jesus the last part of the way before several merry passengers, and had the honour of being ridiculed for His sake. There are few things in which I feel more entirely dependant upon the Lord, than in confessing Him on such occasions. Sometimes I have, by grace, had much real boldness; but often I have manifested the greatest weakness, doing no more than refraining entirely from unholy conversation, without, however, speaking a single word for Him who toiled beyond measure for me. No other remedy do I know for myself and any of my fellow-saints who are weak, like myself, in this particular, than to seek to have the heart so full of Jesus, and to live so in the realization of what He has done for us, that, without any effort, out of the full heart, we may speak for Him.—I found my dear family in peace.
May 8. This evening I went to the prayer meeting at Gideon. I read Psalm ciii, and was able to thank the Lord publicly for my late affliction. This is the first time that I have taken any part in the public meetings of the brethren, since November 6th, 1837.
May 13. Today I was much helped in expounding the Scriptures publicly. When I began I knew not how the Lord would deal with me, whether I should be able to speak or not, as my head is still very weak. But the Lord helped me. I did not feel any loss of mental power. How gracious of the Lord to allow me again to commence serving Him in the ministry of His word.—[For several months after this I preached, on the whole, with much more enjoyment, and with much more earnestness and prayerfulness, than I did before I was taken ill. I also felt more the solemnity of the work.]
June 11. A stranger called on me, and told me, that, many years ago, he had defrauded two gentlemen of a small sum, and that he wished to restore the same with interest. He also stated that he had read my Narrative, and, feeling confidence in me, he requested me to convey this money to those gentlemen, giving me, at the same time, their names and place of abode. He intrusted me with four sovereigns for each of them. At the same time he gave me one sovereign for myself, as a token of Christian love. I never saw the individual before, nor do I up to this moment know his name. I conveyed this money, however, not by post, as he wished but through two bank orders, in order that thus I might be able to show, should it be needful, that I actually did send the money; for in all such matters it becomes one to act with particular caution.—It may be that this fact will be read by some who have, like this stranger, before their conversion, defrauded certain individuals. If so, let them like him, or like Zaccheus of old, restore what they took, and, if they have the means, with interest, or compound interest.
June 13. Last evening my dear wife was taken ill. Often had I prayed respecting her hour, and now was the time to look out for the answer. She continued in most severe sufferings from a little after nine until midnight. Thus hour after hour passed away, until eleven this morning. Another medical attendant was then called in, at the desire of the one who attended her. At three in the afternoon she was delivered of a still-born child.—The whole of the night I was in prayer, as far as my strength allowed me. I cried at last for MERCY, and God heard.
June 14. My dearest wife is alive, but I am depending upon God for her life every moment. She is in much peace. A sister gave me this evening 5l. on account of dear Marys illness.—[Again we had not thought it well to make pecuniary provision for this time, though at no period of my life had I more abundant means of doing so than during the last few months; but our gracious Father helped us abundantly in this and in other instances, as I shall mention below.]