"Whilst I thank you for your love, and whilst I agree with you, that, in general, there is a difference between asking for money, and answering when asked, nevertheless in our case I feel not at liberty to speak about the state of our funds, as the primary object of the work in my hands is, to lead those who are weak in faith to see that there is reality in dealing with God alone."
After having sent off the answer, I was again and again led to pray to the Lord in this way: "Lord, thou knowest that for Thy sake I did not tell this brother about our need. Now, Lord, show afresh that there is reality in speaking to Thee only about our need, and speak therefore to this brother, so that he may help us."
Today, in answer to this my request, this brother sent 100l., of which sum I shall take 20l. for the Orphans, and 20l.. for each of the other objects. Thus I have means for establishing the Infant-School, and for ordering more Bibles. Also the Orphans are again supplied for a week; for when the money came in there was not one penny in hand for them.
April 7. This evening I received information from my little half brother that my dear father died on March 30th. He was taken worse a few days after I left him. How kind of the Lord to have allowed me once more to see him! Had I gone to Germany at the time I first intended, he would most likely not have been alive to see me.—As I know not of one believer in the whole town where he lived, I cannot for a certainty ascertain any thing about his state before his death; but that which I do know gives me no proof of his having died in the faith of Christ. As to myself, I am sure of this, that it becomes me to adore that wonderful grace which plucked me as a brand out of the burning, and to say in reference to my dear departed father: "Shall not the judge of all the earth do right?" and in submission to the will of God to be satisfied with His dealings. This, through grace, I am able to do. Every true believer who has unconverted parents, for whose spiritual welfare he is concerned, can understand what joy it would have been to me to have heard a satisfactory account of a true change of heart in my dear father before his end; but as it has been otherwise, I know nevertheless that God will be eternally glorified even in this dispensation. During no period did I pray more frequently or more earnestly for the conversion of my dear aged parent, than during the last year of his life; but, at all events, it did not please the Lord to let me see the answer to my prayers.
April 9. Through the 20l. which came in on March 26, and a number of smaller and larger donations since then, we have had for the last twelve days more than usual. But now today our means were again reduced to 7s. 10d., when the Lord sent in 5l. through a brother in Bristol, who during this year also, as at former times, has been the instrument in the hands of God of repeatedly supplying our need when we were very poor.
We are on the point of sending some money to the East Indies for Missionary objects. Whilst I was on my knees respecting this object, 5l. was brought for it.
April 10. Today came in still further for the Orphans, with Eccles. ix. 10, 5l.; also 2l.
April 19. For several months past it had appeared to brother Craik and me, and to several other brethren who help us in the work of caring for the saints, that a part of the church meeting together at Gideon Chapel was a hinderance to our giving that clear and distinct testimony respecting the principles on which we meet, which we desire to give to the world and to the church at large in this city. As the Lord, however, had so abundantly blessed our labours in that place, in the conversion of sinners, and also in the building up of many saints, we felt that we ought to act in this matter with the greatest prayerfulness and consideration; and we had therefore many meetings for prayer and deliberation with several brethren. On this account it was likewise, that though we came as early as the 17th of January to the conclusion that it would be better to relinquish Gideon as a meeting place, we still deferred the matter for two months and a half longer, before we even mentioned our difficulties publicly. At last, on March 30th, we assembled with all the saints, and brother Craik and I stated to them our difficulties. The following is the substance of what was stated at the meeting.
Brief statement of certain difficulties connected with our continuing to retain the occupancy of Gideon Chapel, Newfoundland Street, Bristol.
In order to enter into the force of the following particulars, it is necessary to keep in mind the position which, as a body of saints, we seem called upon to maintain, in this city, before the church and the world. We meet simply as believers in Christ, without reference to any sectarian distinction, maintaining the Scriptures as our only rule of doctrine and discipline, and affording freedom for the exercise of any spiritual gift which the Lord may be pleased to bestow. We thus hold out a gathering place for all who believe in the Lord Jesus, and desire to confess His name, by obedience to His authority. Whatever impedes us, in this our great work, can only be suffered to continue, if the Lord Himself lays it upon us as a burden or chastisement. Nothing but necessity can justify our putting any obstacles in the way of the saints in this city, who, feeling the obligation of separating from every sectarian bond of union, would desire to meet with us.