The joy which such answers to prayer afford, cannot be described. I was determined to wait upon God only, and not to work an unscriptural deliverance for myself. I have thousands of pounds for the Building Fund; but I would not take of this sum because it was once set apart for that object. There is also a legacy of 100l. for the Orphans two months overdue, in the prospect of the payment of which the heart might be naturally inclined to use some money of the Building Fund, to be replaced by the legacy money, when it comes in; but I would not thus step out of God's way of obtaining help. At the very time when this donation arrived, I had packed up 100l. which I happened to have in hand, received for the Building Fund, in order to take it to the Bank, as I was determined not to touch it, but to wait upon God. My soul does magnify the Lord for His goodness.
This last paragraph is copied out of my journal, written down at the time, I add a few words more to the last sentences.
The natural mind is ever prone to reason, when we ought to believe; to be at work, when we ought to be quiet; to go our own way, when we ought steadily to walk on in God's ways, however trying to nature. When first converted, I should have said, What harm can there be to take some of the money, which has been put by for the Building Fund? God will help me again after some time with means for the Orphans, and then I can replace it. Or, there is this money due for the legacy of 100l. This money is quite sure; may I not, therefore, on the strength of it, take some from the Building Fund, and when the legacy is paid, replace the money which I have taken? I know that many would act thus. But how does it work, when we thus anticipate God, by going our own way? We bring, in many instances, guilt on our conscience; but if not, we certainly weaken faith, instead of increasing it; and each time we work thus a deliverance of our own, we find it more and more difficult to trust in God, till at last we give way entirely to our natural fallen reason, and unbelief prevails. How different, if one is enabled to wait God's own time, and to look alone to Him for help and deliverance! When at last help comes, after many seasons of prayer it may be, and after much exercise of faith and patience it may be, how sweet it is, and what a present recompense does the soul at once receive for trusting in God, and waiting patiently for His deliverance! Dear Christian reader, if you have never walked in this path of obedience before, do so now, and you will then know experimentally the sweetness of the joy which results from it. I now return to Oct. 9, 1852.
Received still further today, from Cirencester, 2l., and also 10l.
Oct. 10. From two little girls at Clifton, 5s.—By sale of a silver watch given for the purpose, 1l. 10s,—From a donor in Maryport Street, 3s. 4d.—Through Bethesda boxes 1s. Ditto 2s. 6d. Ditto a sovereign.—From a believer in Bristol 5s.—By sale of empty oatmeal barrels, 15s.
Oct. 11. From Sutton Points, 13s. 7d. Through the boxes in the New Orphan House, 3s.—From an Orphans formerly under our care, and now in service, 10s., with 10s. for the Building Fund.—From a Christian lady, recently come from Edinburgh, 1l.—Through a Christian lady, staying at Clifton, 5s.
Oct. 12. By sale of rags and bones 12s. 6d. [I copy literally from the receipt book. We seek to make the best of every thing. As a steward of public money, I feel it right that even these articles should be turned into money; nor could we expect answers to our prayers if knowingly there were any waste allowed in connexion with this work. For just because the money is received from God, simply in answer to prayer only, therefore it becomes us the more, to be careful in the use of it].— By sale of Reports 5s.—From an Orphan box at Plymouth 3s., together with 8s. as a donation added, and 9s. for Reports. Still further help: This afternoon a lady of Clifton called at my house, and brought a check for 200l., which a gentlemen, whose name even I had never heard of, had sent her for the benefit of tine Orphans. We are not now in actual need, yet as 62l. lies already been paid out of what I have received since the 9th, and as other heavy payments are before me, in a few days, it is particularly kind of the Lord, to send this donation from a perfect stranger.
Nov. 13. Today was paid to me the legacy for the Orphans, to which reference has been made. I had no doubt it would come in in good time. Thus it is. The expenses are heavy, week after week. The day after tomorrow, I shall have again to pay out above 100l. for the Orphans.
On Dec. 20th, in the evening, I had only 16l. 9s. left. Think of this, dear Reader. So little, for so large an Establishment! From Dec. 20th to the evening of Dec. 26th, there came in only about 18l.; and as I had paid out above 13l., I could only advance 15l. for house-keeping on Dec. 27th, instead of the usual 30l., and had then about 5l. left for petty expenses. I knew that on the 31st I should have to advance again at least 20l. for house-keeping. Now see how the Lord was pleased to send in the means from the morning of Dec. 27th to Dec. 31st. Dec. 27. From Alcombe, near Minehead, 10s.—From a poor widow in Bristol, 5s.— Anonymously 1l. Ditto a sovereign, with these words: "An Orphan's mite for the Orphan House."—From Clifton, 1s., and 1s. besides.—Dec. 28. From Newport, in Monmouthshire, 10s. and 10s.—From Birmingham, 2l. 10s. with the same for my own personal expenses.—From Boscrea 7d. from three children.—From Lenwade, 10s.—Dec. 29. From B. B. at Leamington 5l.—Anonymously, from London, 2s. 5d.—From three sisters 10s., 5s., 1l., also 10s. 8 ½ d.—By sale of Reports, 3s. —Through the boxes in the New Orphan House 1l. 6s. 9 ½ d.—Dec. 30. By sale of Reports 2s. 6d.—From Clifton 5l.—From two Christian ladies in Buckinghamshire 20l. From some pupils on Kingsdown 5s. Thus I had on Dec. 31st money enough to advance 25l. for house-keeping expenses, besides having had the means to pay away 20l. 5s. 9d. After I had given out the money in advance for house-keeping expenses, I had, at the close of the year, not 2l. left. But my mind was in full peace. Now see how, before the 25l. which had been advanced was expended, and before other expenses came upon me, the Lord was pleased to send in the means from the 1st to the 4th of January, 1853.—Jan. 1. Anonymously 1s.—From Sherborne, 1l.—From Colchester 10s.— From Manchester 10s.—From a distance 1l. 2s. 6d.—From Glouchstershire 14s. 6d.—From a brother in the Lord in Bristol 3l. 12s., together with 5s. 7d. from his Orphan box. This brother had it on his heart, more than a twelvemonth ago, to dispose of an article for the benefit of the Orphans, but could not meet with an opportunity till today. Thus, in this time of need, the Lord sends in this money.— Jan. 2. By sale of Reports 12s.—From two Christian sisters 5s., as a thank offering to the Lord for the mercies of the past year.—From a lady at Clifton 10s.—From a Brother in Bristol 1l.-From Torquay 3s., with 3s. for Reports.—From Worcester 2s. 2d.—From a brother in Bristol 3l.—Jan. 3. From Waterford 1l.—From Liverpool 5l.— Also the 75l. being part of the 252l. 17s. 1d. spoken of under the Building Fund.—From Clifton 10s.—Through Salem boxes 2s. 6d.— From "P." 1s. Jan. 4. From Ryde 2l.—From Tottenham 10s. Thus God helped me in a time of great, great need. But before this 4th of January was over, He did far more than ever in the way of supplying me with means, for the largest of all the donations I had ever had, and of which mention has been made before, was given to me, of which 600l. was portioned out for the current expenses for the Orphans.
I have been thus particular in this last paragraph, on purpose, to give a practical illustration that those are entirely mistaken who suppose that the work is now no longer a work of faith, as it used to be in former years. It is true, we have now a larger income, then we used to have in the years 1838, 1839, and 1840; but it is also true that our expenses are three times as great. We have no regular income now; even as we had not then. We ask no human being now for help; even as we did not then. We depend alone upon God, by His grace even as we did then. Who is there in the whole world who will state that I ever asked him for help in this Orphan work, from its commencement, on Dec. 9, 1835, up till now? Now, as we have no funds to live upon; as we have no regular subscribers or donors upon whom we could depend; as we never ask help from man but God alone; and as, finally, we never did go into debt for this work, nor do we now: why is it not now a work of faith as formerly? Will those, who say it is not, place themselves in my position, when, at the close of the year 1852, I had not two pounds left, and about 330 persons were day by day to be provided for, with all they need, and prove whether it is now anything else than a work of faith? Every one, except those who are determined not to see, will have no difficulty in perceiving that now, as formerly, one could only be kept from being overwhelmed in such a position by looking day by day to the Lord, and that not merely for pecuniary supplies, but for help under the numberless difficulties, which continually are met with in such a work.