Dec. 11. For several years I have not been so poor for these objects, as during the last six weeks. Day by day have I besought the Lord for more means, and almost daily has He also sent in something; yet the income has not been adequate to help the 56 brethren, whom I seek to assist as preachers of the Word at home and abroad, in the measure I have desired. I had reason to believe, that several were in need, but I had nothing to send to them, and could only labour on in prayer, finding relief in the knowledge that God could help them irrespective of my instrumentality, and make this their trial of faith and patience a blessing to their souls, even as I have found this season profitable to myself. But now at the last the Lord has refreshed my spirit exceedingly, by a donation of 300l., left at my disposal; of which I have taken 150l. for these objects, and 150l. for the Orphans, for whom also fresh supplies were greatly needed, so much so, that we had not once been so poor since the New Orphan-House was first opened.
Jan. 17, 1854. Received from an anonymous donor, through London bankers, a Bank Post Bill for 50l. "for general purposes." I took of this amount one half for these various objects, and the other half for the benefit of the Orphans. This donation came at a time of great need.
But the Lord helped me still mere bountifully; for I received also, on that day, the promise of the donation of 5,207l., spoken of already under the Building Fund, and of which donation I took for these objects altogether 1,500l. whereby I was so abundantly helped, that, with what the Lord was pleased to send in besides for these objects, up to May 26, 1854, I was enabled to meet all their many and heavy expenses.
The following circumstance is so remarkable, that I give it at full length as an illustration of the various ways, and the remarkable manner, in which the Lord is pleased, in answer to prayer, to supply me with means.
On Aug. 9th, 1853, I received a letter, from a Christian brother, accompanied by an order for 88l. 2s. 6d. on his bankers, of which 3l. 2s, 6d. were the proceeds of an Orphan-Box in a meeting place of believers, and 85l. from a poor widow, who had sold her little house, being all her property, and who had put 90l., the total amount she had received, into that Orphan-Box two months before, on June 9, 1853. In this box the money remained till it was opened, and then the 90l., with a few lines, without name, were found in it. As, however, the fact of her intending to sell the house, and sending me the money, for the Lord's work, had been known to the brother, who sent me the money, he did not feel free to send it to me, without remonstrating with her through two brethren, whom he sent with the money, offering it again to her; for he knew her to be very poor, and feared that this might be an act of excitement, and therefore be regretted afterwards. These brethren could not prevail on her to receive back the money, but they did persuade her to receive back 5l. of the amount, and then the brother, referred to, felt no longer free to keep the money from me, but sent me the 85l.
On the receipt of this I wrote at once to the poor Godly widow, offering her the traveling expenses for coming to Bristol, that I might have personal intercourse with her; for I feared lest this should be an act of excitement, and the more so, as she had received back 5l. of the sum. This sister in the Lord, a widow of about 60 years of age, came to Bristol, and told me in all simplicity how ten years before, in the year 1843, she had purposed that, if ever she should come into the possession of the little house in which she lived with her husband, she would sell it, and give the proceeds to the Lord. About five years afterwards her husband died, and she, having no children, nor any particular claim upon her, then sought to dispose of her little property. However one difficulty after the other prevented her being able to effect a sale. At last she felt in particular difficulty on account of her inability to pay the yearly ground rent of the house and garden, and she asked the Lord to enable her to sell the property, in order that she might be able to carry out her desire, which she had had for ten years. He now helped her; the house was sold, the money paid, and she put the whole 90l. into the Orphan Box for me, being assured that the Lord would direct me how best the money might be used for Him.—I still questioned her again and again to find out, whether it was not excitement which had led her to act as she had done; but I not only saw that her mind had been fully decided about this act for ten years before, but that she was also able to answer from the word of God all the objections which I purposely made, in order to probe her, whether she had intelligently and from right motives acted in what she had done. At last, being fully satisfied that it was not from impulse nor under excitement that she had given the money, I stated to her something like this: "You are poor, about sixty years old, and therefore decreasing in strength, may you not therefore keep this money for yourself?" Her reply was: "God has always provided for me, and I have no doubt He will do so in future also. I am able to work and to earn my bread as well as others, and am willing to work as a nurse, or in any other way." What could I say against this? This was just what a child of God would say, and should say.—But the greatest of all the difficulties about accepting the 85l. remained in my mind. It was this. The house had been sold for 90l. The whole amount had been put into the box, but, on the persuasion of the two brethren who were requested to remonstrate with this widow, she had been induced to take back 5l. out of the 90l. I therefore said to myself, might she not be willing, after a time, to take back the whole 90l., how therefore can I feel happy in accepting this money. On this account I particularly laid stress upon this point, and now learned the circumstances under which she had been induced to take back this 5l.
The two brethren who had called for the purpose of pointing out the propriety of receiving back again the 90l., or part of it, told her that Barnabas sold his land, but afterwards lived with others on that which he and others had thrown into the common stock, and that therefore she might receive at least part of the 90l. back again, if she would not take the whole. She then said to herself that, "as a child of God she might take the children's portion," and, as she had given to God this 90l., she might receive 5l. back again. She told me, that she considered the brethren had shown her from the Holy Scriptures what she might do, and therefore she had taken this 5l. I did not myself agree with the judgment of those brethren who had said this (as there is no evidence that Barnabas ever was supported out of the common stock, the proceeds of the sale of houses and lands, out of which the poor were supported); but I purposely said nothing to the widow, lest she should at once be induced to give me this 5l. also. She had, however, this 5l. untouched, and showed it to me; and before leaving she would make me take 1l. of it for the benefit of the Orphans, which I did not refuse, as I had no intention to keep the 85l. She also gave me a sixpence for the Orphans, which some one had given her for herself, a few days before.
I now asked her, as this matter concerning the remaining of the 5l. was satisfactorily explained, as far as it respected her own state of heart, what she wished me to do with the money, in case I saw it right to keep it. Her reply was, that she would leave that with me, and God would direct me concerning it; but that, if she said any thing at all, she should most like it to be used for the support of brethren who labour in the Word without salary, and who hazard their lives for the name of Christ. She wished me to have a part of the money; but this I flatly refused, lest I should be evil spoken of in this matter. I then offered to pay her traveling expenses, as she had come to me, which she would not accept, as she did not stand in need of it. In conclusion I told her, that I would now further pray respecting this matter, and consider what to do concerning it. I then prayed with this dear Godly woman, commended her to God, separated from her, and have not seen her since.
I waited from Aug. 9, 1853, to March 7, 1854, when I wrote to her, offering her back again the whole 85l., or a part of it. On March 9, 1854, just seven months after I had received the money, amid just nine months after she had actually given it, and ten years and nine months after she had made the resolution to give her house and garden to God, I heard from her, stating that she was of the same mind as she had been for years. I, therefore, disposed of the money, to aid such foreign missionary brethren as, according to the best my knowledge resembled most the class of men whom she wished to assist.
The reasons, why I have so minutely dwelt upon this circumstance, are: 1, If, as a steward of the bounties of the children of God, I should be blamed for receiving from a poor widow almost literally her all, it may be seen in what manner I did so. To have refused, on March 9, 1854, also would be going beyond what I should be warranted to do. 2, I desired also to give a practical illustration, that I only desire donations in God's way. It is not the money only, I desire; but money received, in answer to prayer, in God's order. 3, This circumstance illustrates how God helps me often in the most unexpected manner. 4, I have also related this instance, as a fresh proof, that even in these last days the love of Christ is of constraining power, and may work mightily, as in the days of the Apostles. I have witnessed many such instances as this, during the twenty years I have been occupied in this my service. Let us give thanks to God for such cases, and seek for grace rather to imitate such Godly men and women than think that they are going too far.