Jan. 27. This afternoon when there was nothing in hand, 1 received from
Guernsey 2l.
Jan. 28, Received from Plymouth 5l. Also 5s. 6d. from the neighbourhood of Exeter, and 2s. besides. From the neighbourhood of Nottingham 5s.
Jan. 30. By profits from the sale of ladies' baskets 2s.
Jan. 31. One of the labourers in the work gave 10l., and a brother on his way to Ireland 1l.
Feb. 1. By sale of articles and stockings 3l. 19s. 7 ½ d., anonymously 2d., from sister F. 10s., proceeds of an Orphan-box 12s. 6 ¾ d., by sale of stockings 8s. 5d., and by the boxes at the Orphan-Houses 16s. 9d.—When I went this evening to the Orphan-Houses for our usual prayer meeting on Tuesday evenings, I found that altogether since last Tuesday evening 25l. 2s. 0 ½ d. had come in; but as there had been many extra expenses to meet during the week, there was only actually in hand 8l. 8s. 4 ¼ d. Of this I gave to each of the matrons 2l. 2s. 1d, being only a part of what would be needed during the week, and had then one farthing left, "like the handful of meal in the barrel."
Feb. 2. This morning on my usual walk before breakfast I felt myself led out of my usual track, into a direction in which I had not gone for some months. In stepping over a stile I said to myself: "Perhaps God has a reason even in this." About five minutes afterwards I met a Christian gentleman who gave me two sovereigns for the Orphans, and then I knew the reason, why I had been led this way. Thus the farthing which remained last evening has been already multiplied.—Evening. This afternoon I received still further from a brother 1l. 1s., also a letter from Portsea containing 1l. 10s. The letter from Portsea contained these words: "Please accept it as another token of the Lord's watchful care for you and yours." How true! How exemplified in this very donation at this time!
Feb. 3. This morning I received by the first delivery three letters, each containing further supplies. The first, from Sherborne, enclosed a post-office order for 1l. 15s., of which 1l. is for missionary purposes, and 15s. for the Orphans. The second, from Yorkshire, contained two half Five Pound Notes, which 10l. is left to my disposal, yet it is requested that a part of it should go to the destitute Irish. I put therefore 5l. to the relief of the Irish, and 5l. to the Orphan Fund. The third letter, from Marlborough, contained 1l. for the Orphans.—Thus I have now all that is needed in the way of house-keeping money for the remainder of this week; but I am now waiting upon God for about 25l. to provide each of the 32 Orphan Boys above seven years old with a new suit of clothes.
The reader might say, "You are continually in need. No sooner is the one demand met, than another comes. Do you not find it a trying life, and are you not tired of it?" My reply is, It is true I am more or less continually in need in connexion with this work. And if I were to tell out all my heart to the reader concerning it, he would have still more reason to say that I am continually in need. For what I have here written is almost exclusively about the way in which God has been pleased to supply me with money for carrying on the work; but I do deliberately state that this, much as it might appear to one or the other, is by no means the chief thing that I stand in need of from day to day. I will just hint at a few other things. Sickness among the children, very difficult and tedious cases, in which, notwithstanding all the means which are used month after month, yea year after year, the children remain ill. Nothing remains but either to keep them, or to send them to the Parish Union to which they belong, as they have no relatives able to provide for them. The very fact of having cared for them and watched over them for years, only endears them the more to us, and would make it the more trying to send them back to their parish. This is a "need" which brings me to God. Here is prayer required, not only for means which such sick children call for, but for guidance and wisdom from on High.—Sometimes children are to be placed out as servants or apprentices. A suitable place is needed, or else they had better remain under our care. The obtaining of this suitable place is a "need" indeed. It is more difficult to be obtained than money. Sometimes for many weeks have I had to wait upon God, to have this "need" supplied; but He has always at last helped.—Sometimes great has been my "need" of wisdom and guidance in order to know how certain children ought to be treated under particular circumstances; and especially how to behave towards certain apprentices or servants who were formerly in the Orphan-Houses. A "need" in this respect is no small thing; though I have found that in this and in all other matters concerning which I was in "need," I have been helped, provided I was indeed able to wait patiently upon God. That word, "godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come" (1 Tim. iv. 8), I have in times almost without number found to be true in my own experience. Further, when one or the other of the labourers needed to leave the work on account of health, or for other reasons, I have been at such times in far greater "need" than when I required money for the various objects of the Institution. I could only have such "need" supplied by waiting upon God. I could do nothing but speak to my heavenly Father about this matter, and He has always helped. One of the greatest difficulties connected with this work is, to obtain suitable Godly persons for it. So many things are to be taken into the account. Suitable age, health, gift, experience, love for children, true godliness, a ready mind to serve God in the work and not themselves, a ready mind to bear with the many trials and difficulties connected with it, a manifest purpose to labour not for the sake of the remuneration, but to serve God in their work; surely, to obtain Godly persons, in whom these qualifications, even in some measure, are found combined, is not an easy matter. Not that any one will suppose me to mean that I am looking out for perfect fellow-labourers. Not that any one will suppose that my fellow-labourers are referred to by rue, as if they were without weaknesses, deficiencies, and failings. I am myself far, very far from being without weaknesses, deficiencies, and failings. Moreover, I never expect to find fellow-labourers for this work who have not their weaknesses; but this I do mean to say, that the work of God in my hands is of that character, and, by God's grace, is really carried on with such a true purpose to serve God thereby (however much I and my fellow-labourers may fail), that it is with me a matter of deep moment to find truly suitable individuals for it, in whom, as much as possible, the above qualifications should be found united. And, however much there may be wanting, this is more and more my aim, that I may obtain such helpers; and hence it can be easily perceived bow great my "need" must be again and again on this very account. I do here especially advise, that if any should apply in future for situations in connexion with this work, they would keep these remarks before them; for, by God's grace, it is my purpose never to give to any persons a situation in connexion with the Institution, if they are not suitable for it according to the light which God gives me.—Further, that the labourers work happily together among themselves, and that I go on happily in service with them; that I be their servant, on the one hand, and yet, on the other, maintain the place which God has given me in this work; surely, if any one carefully looks at this, he will at once see, that there is a difficulty and a "need" far greater than any that is connected with money. Oh, how these matters lead one to call upon God! How they continually make one sensible of one's "need!" Truly, I am in need, in continual need. Many more points might be referred to in connexion with this work, in which I am more or less continually in "need;" but I will only mention one it is now many years since I have made my boast in the living God in so public a manner by my publications. On this account Satan unquestionably is waiting for my halting, and, if left to myself, I should fall a prey to him. Pride, unbelief, or other sins would be my ruin, and lead me to bring a most awful disgrace upon the name of Jesus. Here is then a "need," a great "need." I do feel myself in "need," in great "need," even to be upheld by God; for I cannot stand for a moment, if left to myself. Oh, that none of my dear readers might admire me, and be astonished at my faith, and think of me as if I were beyond unbelief! Oh, that none of my dear readers might think, that I could not be puffed up by pride, or in other respects most awfully dishonour God, and thus at last, though God has used me in blessing hitherto to so many, become a beacon to the church of Christ! No, I am as weak as ever, and need as much as ever to be upheld as to faith, and every other grace. I am therefore in "need," in great "need;" and therefore help me, dear Christian reader, with your prayers.
I allow, then, moat fully that I am in continual "need." This is the case with regard to money matters, because the work is now so large. A few hundred pounds go but a little way. There have been often weeks, when my demands have been several hundred pounds a week, and it can therefore easily be supposed that even if large donations come in, they do not last long. But whilst I allow this, I desire that the Christian reader may keep in mind that there are other necessities, and even greater ones than those connected with money.—Should, however, the reader say that he thinks "I must find this a very trying life, and that I must be tired of it," I beg to state, that he is entirely mistaken. I do not find the life in connexion with this work a trying life, but a very happy one. It is impossible to describe the abundance of peace and heavenly joy that often has flowed into my soul by means of the fresh answers which I have obtained from God, after waiting upon Him for help and blessing; and the longer I have had to wait upon Him, or the greater my need was, the greater the enjoyment when at last the answer came, which has often been in a very remarkable way, in order to make the hand of God the more manifest. I therefore solemnly declare that I do not find this life a trying life, but a very happy one, and I am consequently not in the least tired of it. Straits and difficulties I expected from the very beginning. Before I began this service I expected them; nay, the chief object of it was, that the church at large might be strengthened in faith, and be led more simply, habitually, and unreservedly to trust in the living God, by seeing His hand stretched out in nay behalf in the hour of need. I did, therefore, expect trials, great trials and straits; but cheerfully, for the glory of God, and the profit of God's dear children, did I desire to pass through them, if only the saints might be benefited by the dealings of God with me. The longer I go on in this service, the greater the trials of one kind or another become; but, at the same time, the happier I am in this my service, and the more assured, that I am engaged as the Lord would have me to be. How then could I be tired of carrying on the work of God on such principles as I do?
I now return to the extracts from my journal.