The especial burden of my prayer, therefore, is, that God would be pleased to teach me his will. My mind has also been especially pondering how I could know his will satisfactorily concerning this particular. Sure I am that I shall be taught. I therefore desire to patiently wait for the Lord’s time, when he shall be pleased to shine on my path concerning this point.
Dec. 26. Fifteen days have elapsed since I wrote the preceding paragraph. Every day since then I have continued to pray about this matter, and that with a goodly measure of earnestness, by the help of God. There has passed away scarcely an hour during these days in which, whilst awake, this matter has not been more or less before me; but all without even a shadow of excitement. I converse with no one about it. Hitherto have I not even done so with my dear wife. From this I refrain still, and deal with God alone about the matter, in order that no outward influence and no outward excitement may keep me from attaining unto a clear discovery of his will. I have the fullest and most peaceful assurance that he will clearly show me his will. This evening I have had again an especial solemn season for prayer, to seek to know the will of God. But whilst I continue to entreat and beseech the Lord that he would not allow me to be deluded in this business, I may say that I have scarcely any doubt remaining on my mind as to what will be the issue, even that I should go forward in this matter. As this, however, is one of the most momentous steps that I have ever taken, I judge that I cannot go about this matter with too much caution, prayerfulness, and deliberation. I am in no hurry about it. I could wait for years, by God’s grace, were this his will, before even taking one single step towards this thing, or even speaking to any one about it; and, on the other hand, I would set to work to-morrow, were the Lord to bid me do so. This calmness of mind, this having no will of my own in the matter, this only wishing to please my heavenly Father in it, this only seeking his and not my honor in it; this state of heart, I say, is the fullest assurance to me that my heart is not under a fleshly excitement, and that if I am helped thus to go on I shall know the will of God to the full. But, while I write thus, I cannot but add, at the same time, that I do crave the honor and the glorious privilege to be more and more used by the Lord. I have served Satan much in my younger years, and I desire now with all my might to serve God during the remaining days of my earthly pilgrimage. I am forty-five years and three months old. Every day decreases the number of days that I have to stay on earth. I therefore desire with all my might to work. There are vast multitudes of orphans to be provided for. About five years ago a brother in the Lord told me that he had seen, in an official report, that there were at that time six thousand young orphans in the prisons of England. My heart longs to be instrumental in preventing such young orphans from having to go to prison. I desire to be used by the Lord as an instrument in providing all the necessary temporal supplies, not only for the three hundred now under my care, but for seven hundred more. I desire to alleviate yet further the sufferings of poor dying widows, when looking on their helpless orphans about to be left behind. I desire yet further to assist poor persons to whom destitute orphans are left, and who are unable to provide for them. I desire to be allowed to provide scriptural instruction for a thousand orphans, instead of doing so for three hundred. I desire to expound the Holy Scriptures regularly to a thousand orphans, instead of doing so to three hundred. I desire that thus it may be yet more abundantly manifest that God is still the hearer and answerer of prayer, and that he is the living God now, as he ever was and ever will be, when he shall, simply in answer to prayer, have condescended to provide me with a house for seven hundred orphans, and with means to support them. This last consideration is the most important point in my mind. The Lord’s honor is the principal point with me in this whole matter; and just because that is the case, if he would be more glorified by my not going forward in this business, I should, by his grace, be perfectly content to give up all thoughts about another Orphan House. Surely, in such a state of mind, obtained by thy Holy Spirit, thou, O my heavenly Father, wilt not suffer thy child to be mistaken, much less to be deluded! By the help of God I shall continue further, day by day, to wait upon him in prayer concerning this thing till he shall bid me act.
January 2, 1851. A week ago I wrote the preceding paragraph. During this week I have still been helped, day by day, and more than once every day, to seek the guidance of the Lord about another Orphan House. The burden of my prayer has still been, that he in his great mercy would keep me from making a mistake. During the last week the Book of Proverbs has come in the course of my Scripture reading, and my heart has been refreshed, in reference to this subject, by the following passages: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Prov. iii. 5, 6. By the grace of God I do acknowledge the Lord in my ways, and in this thing in particular; I have therefore the comfortable assurance that he will direct my paths concerning this part of my service, as to whether I shall be occupied in it or not. Further: “The integrity of the upright shall preserve them; but the perverseness of fools shall destroy them.” Prov. xi. 3. By the grace of God I am upright in this business. My honest purpose is to get glory to God. Therefore I expect to be guided aright. Further: “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.” Prov. xvi. 3. I do commit my works unto the Lord; I therefore expect that my thoughts will be established. My heart is more and more coming to a calm, quiet, and settled assurance that the end will be that the Lord will condescend to use me yet further in the orphan work. Here, Lord, is thy servant!
Jan. 14. Twelve days have passed away since I wrote the last paragraph. I have still day by day been enabled to wait upon the Lord with reference to my enlarging the orphan work. I have been during the whole of this period also in perfect peace, which is the result of seeking in this thing only the Lord’s honor and the temporal and spiritual benefit of my fellow-men. Without an effort could I, by his grace, put aside all thoughts about this whole affair, could I be only assured that it is the will of God that I should do so; and, on the other hand, at once would I go forward, if he would have it to be so. I have still kept this matter entirely to myself. Though it is now about seven weeks since day by day, more or less, my mind has been exercised about it, and since I have daily prayed concerning it, yet not one human being knows of it. As yet I have not mentioned it even to my dear wife, in order that thus, by quietly waiting upon the Lord, I might not be influenced by what might be said to me on the subject. This evening I have particularly set apart for prayer, beseeching the Lord once more not to allow me to be mistaken in this thing, and much less to be deluded by the devil. I have also sought to let all the reasons against building another Orphan House, and all the reasons for doing so, pass before my mind; and I now, for the sake of clearness and definiteness, write them down.
Reasons against establishing another Orphan House for Seven Hundred Orphans.—1. Would not this be going beyond my measure spiritually? according to that word: “For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God has dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Rom. xii. 3. Answer: If the Lord were to leave me to myself, the tenth part of the difficulties and trials which befall me now in connection with the various objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution for Home and Abroad would be enough to overwhelm me; but, whilst he is pleased to sustain me, I am able day by day to pass on peacefully, and am carried through one difficulty after the other: and thus, by God’s help, even with my present measure of faith, if continued to me, I should be enabled to bear up under other difficulties and trials; but I look for an increase of faith with every fresh difficulty through which the Lord is pleased to help me.
2. Would it not be going beyond my measure naturally, with reference to mental and bodily strength? Answer: Of all the objections against establishing another Orphan House, there is none that weighs more with me than this one; I might say, it is the only real difficulty. This, however, too, I am enabled to put aside and to overcome thus: By husbanding my strength, by great order, by regular habits, by lightening the work as much as possible, by using every help that I can, I have been enabled to get through a vast quantity of work. My immense correspondence of about three thousand letters a year I have been enabled to accomplish without a secretary. The whole management and direction and the whole vast correspondence of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution has devolved upon myself alone these sixteen years and ten months, and I have been thinking that, by seeking for an efficient secretary, and an efficient clerk, and an inspector of the schools, I might, with God’s help, accomplish yet more, though much of what I have been doing hitherto would need to be done by others. There have been several other arrangements brought before my mind, since I have been exercised about this matter, whereby, with the blessing of God, the work might be lightened. I should certainly need efficient helpers to carry out the plans before me; but with such, I, as director, might be enabled, by God’s help, to accomplish yet more.
3. There must be a limit to my work and service. Answer: That is true, and if I were quite sure that the present state of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution were to be the limit, I would at once lay aside this thing; but I am not sure that I am come as yet to God’s limit. All these sixteen years and ten months the work has been constantly progressing, and the Lord has helped me continually; and now my mind is just in the same way exercised as when, fifteen years ago, I began the orphan work, and as when, thirteen years ago, I enlarged the orphan work, and as when, seven years and nine months since, I still further enlarged the orphan work, and as when, five years and two months since, I was led to decide on building the new Orphan House. Under these circumstances, having been helped through all these difficulties, and seeing such a vast field of usefulness before me, and as I have so many applications for the admission of very destitute orphans, I long to be used still further, and cannot say that as yet the Lord has brought me to his limit.
4. Is it not like “tempting God,” to think of building another Orphan House for seven hundred more orphans? Answer: “Tempting God” means, according to the Holy Scriptures, to limit him in any of his attributes; I, by his grace, do not wish to limit his power or his willingness to give to me, his poor servant, simply in answer to prayer, all the means and every other help and blessing which I shall need to build another large Orphan House.
5. You will not get the means for building and fitting up so large an Orphan House; and, even if you did, how will you, at the same time, get the means for carrying on the work which already exists? Answer: Looking at the matter naturally, this is indeed a weighty objection.
The new Orphan House, with its three hundred orphans only, cost about fifteen thousand pounds to build and to fit up and furnish, and still the expenses are not all met even now. It will, in all probability, cost several hundred pounds yet. And this large sum was needed, though the style of the building is most simple, and though the field in which it was built was comparatively cheap. After this rate, a building to accommodate seven hundred orphans, with the necessary ground attached to it for the cultivation of the vegetables used in the Institution, could not be less than thirty-five thousand pounds. Now, looking at it naturally, where is this great sum to come from? Though I looked at all my friends who have given hitherto, and several have done so very liberally, yet I should have no natural prospect whatever that I should receive this amount; especially if it be kept in mind that I should need six or seven thousand pounds besides, every year, for carrying on that which is already in existence. I might, therefore, well tremble, looking at the matter naturally, and say, I shall never have the money for this intended Orphan House for seven hundred children; for where is this large sum of thirty-five thousand pounds to come from? And even if I were to get the money, will not persons, in giving means for such a building fund, take it away from what they might have given me for carrying on the work which exists already? But whilst thus, naturally, I have no hope of succeeding, I am not in the least discouraged spiritually; for by faith in the living God I say this: He has the power to give me this thirty-five thousand pounds, and much more were it needed; and he has the power, in the mean time, to give me also all the large sums required, week after week, for meeting the current expenses for the present state of the work. Moreover, I delight in the greatness of the difficulty as it respects the large sum needed for building and fitting up such an establishment; for I desire to be most fully assured, from the very outset, that I go forward in this matter according to the Lord’s bidding. If so, he will give me the means; if not, I shall not have them. Nor do I mean to apply to any one personally for pecuniary help, but purpose to give myself to prayer for means, as heretofore.