CHAPTER IX.
TRIAL.
1838.
THE MINISTRY OF SICKNESS—PEACE OF MIND—JESUS A PRESENT HELP—DEEP POVERTY—PLEADING WITH GOD—UNITED PRAYER.
January 6, 1838. I feel little better in my head, though my general health seems improved; but my kind physician says I am much better, and advises me now change of air. This evening a sister, who resides about fifty miles from hence, and who is quite unacquainted with the medical advice given to me this morning, sent me fifteen pounds for the express purpose of change of air; and wrote that she felt assured, from having been similarly afflicted, that nothing would do me so much good, humanly speaking, as quiet and change of air.
January 7. This is the ninth Lord’s day that I have been kept from ministering in the word. My affliction is connected with a great tendency to irritability of temper; yea, with some satanic feeling, foreign to me even naturally.
January 10. To-day I went with my family to Trowbridge. Jan. 14. Lord’s day. I have spent several hours in prayer to-day, and read on my knees, and prayed for two hours over Psalm lxiii. God has blessed my soul much to-day. My soul is now brought into that state that I delight myself in the will of God, as it regards my health. Yea, I can now say, from my heart, I would not have this disease removed till God, by its means, has bestowed the blessing for which it was sent.
January 15. I have had, since yesterday afternoon, less suffering in my head than for the last eight days; though it is even now far from being well. I have still an inward assurance, on account of the spiritual blessings which the Lord has granted to me, that through this affliction he is only purifying me for his blessed service, and that I shall be soon restored to the work. To-day, also, God has continued to me fervency of spirit, which I have now enjoyed for three days following. He has to-day, also, drawn out my soul into much real communion with himself, and into holy desires to be more conformed to his dear Son. When God gives a spirit of prayer, how easy then to pray! Nevertheless, it was given to me in the use of the means, as I fell on my knees last Saturday, to read his word with meditation, and to turn it into prayer. To-day I spent about three hours in prayer over Psalms lxiv. and lxv. In reference to that precious word, “O thou that hearest prayer,” (Ps. lxv. 2,) I asked the Lord the following petitions, and entreated him to record them in heaven, and to answer them.