I've got my faults, but kicking isn't one of 'em, you bet.
You'll always find me at the same old stand, ready to take things as they come—but please be a little careful about the antiquity of the eggs, because, you see, I've got my best clothes on.
Now, if the orchestra will kindly wake up and give us a little music, I'll try and sing a song which I have called "No Kicker Need Apply."
Hold on, professor, you want to be sharp. I expected you'd be flat, so I guess you'd better compromise and only be natural.
Well, then, here goes:
Guess I've been about as lazy as the civil laws allow;
Know blame well I've been as lazy as I could be anyhow;
Never liked t' do th' milkin', never liked t' heft a hoe,
Never liked to plow or harvest, never liked t' reap ner sow.
Never was much good at nothin' that my daddy put me at,
But I've never been a kicker, an' I'm bloomin' glad o' that.
There isn't any chorus to this song, so glide right along to the second verse, professor. Here you are.
I've been called a triflin' beggar, I've been called a shif'less slouch;
I've been called some things that hurt me, but I never hollered "Ouch!"
I've left undone a heap o' things I started out to do,
An' I've had my share of headache—yes, I've had my share, f'r true;
But my upper lip's kep' stiffer'n any board ye ever see,
Fer I've never been a kicker, an' I'm never goin' t' be.
I've seen days when clouds was hangin' over ev'rything in sight;
I've seen times I wished t' goodness, morning wouldn't foller night;
I've felt kicked an' snubbed an' slighted—though folks didn't mean it so,
An' I've had to blink an' swaller for t' make my smiler go;
But I made it work, by ginger, and I'm thankful for it still—
Fer I've never been a beefer, an' you bet I never will.