At the bottom of the box, pasted in, was a paper, on which was written, in a bold, quite elegant hand, "Old fool!—ha! ha!" And while he stood contemplating his folly, and holding up a bit of the old iron in his hand, the heap of paper on the other barrel (probably warped, or "cockled," as paper-men would express it, by the heat from the candle) tumbled over into the flame of the latter. The old man said this frightened him at first, "like a judgment" on his folly, and he had close work for a minute or two to put out the fire. "I thought the old stairs would ketch," said he, "and I couldn't get up." The story as he told it (for he has a considerable "knack at story-telling") was not a little amusing, but I shall make no attempt to represent it here.
The counterfeit money speculators have no notion of getting themselves into serious legal difficulties, and so long as they only swindle such men as the "honest farmer" in question, the authorities of New York will probably take no great pains to disturb them. It would be rather amusing if one could watch the countenances of the poor dupes as they open their packages. Disappointed ambition, "castles in Spain" all tumbled down, visions of wealth broken into clouds upon their countenances, would probably be the tale they would tell. But warnings will do this class of people no good, and it is not "good" they seek; so we need have no pity for them.
If the counterfeit money speculators, of the kind I here speak of, do no good, they certainly do no harm, save to the regular counterfeiters, by forestalling their field, and getting away from the poor dupes money which might otherwise fall into the "regular" gentlemen's hands. But perhaps the result in the long run may be beneficial to the "regular trade," inasmuch as the present victims, when they come to get possession of the real counterfeit money, may buy more than they otherwise would, to make up their former losses. In this they will imitate other business men, who, when chancing to lose by one attempted swindle, balance accounts of profit and loss by "doubling" in a successful swindle, or as gamblers "hedge" their bets on a horse-race.
At any rate, the "money-makers," whether of bank bills, or other false pretences, "regular" or "irregular," will always, I suppose, manage to find "honest farmers," and like victims, so long as the ignorance of the people sustains such institutions as private banks; and it matters but little whether a bank bill has passed under the eye of "Jones, president," and "Williams, cashier," or not, so long as it is well "executed" enough to "execute" its own mission, which is, to swindle labor out of its just dues. The man who devised paper money and "banking," as it is generally conducted, was the shrewdest servant that the tyrant and sagacious classes ever had in aiding them to keep the laboring classes subjected and "contented" with being robbed. If any reader thinks my estimate of that man's clever swindling capacity too emphatic or high, let him sit down soberly, and consider the subject in all its aspects, beginning with the cost of the paper, and the thousand profitable uses it is made to serve for the money-manufacturer, and then reflect how it is as much one man's natural right to "make, money" as another's, but that the few manage to make a monopoly of the business.
The fact is, that the counterfeiters are really more democratic than the bank men, and only stick to their "constitutional rights,"—the right of individuals, as well as of bodies politic, to manufacture money. If the State would let the matter of money-making alone, and abolish all laws regarding it, it would not only abolish counterfeiters and counterfeiting thereby, and "bogus" counterfeit speculators also, but would, in so doing, leave a clear field for sensible political economists to work out a plan of exchange, in which some justice and honesty might be obtained. Till then, the counterfeiters,—the regular bona fide ones, and the bogus rascals, too,—will thrive; for no plan of "making money" is found so ingenious that these capable gentlemen cannot imitate it.
As I write (Feb., 1871), I note in a Connecticut newspaper an instance of the operation of these bogus counterfeit money speculators; and what surprises me a little is, that their victim lives within four or five hours' ride from New York, in the enterprising village of Thomaston, Litchfield County, Conn., which connects with New York several times a day by railway. It appears that a worthy dealer in "oysters and vegetables" recently received from "Chatfield & Co." (professional dealers in counterfeit money, like "Ferguson") a box marked C. O. D., the charges upon which were ninety dollars. "Of course" the man made no order upon "Chatfield & Co." They sent the box voluntarily. "The charges were promptly paid" (I quote from the newspaper referred to), "and the box opened. The contents proved to be old iron, stones, shavings, and rubbish. These articles can be bought cheaper here. A factorizing suit was quickly served on the express agent here, the money detained, and by due process of law our neighbor ... will get it back, less the expenses of the law. But we cannot help asking the question, Suppose he had received the "queer" instead of the rubbish for the ninety dollars, what would he have done with it? Charity says he would have carried it to the nearest justice, and had it duly stamped counterfeit, and so lost the investment;" and the article quoted from facetiously adds, "If it had been any one less honest than he is, we are afraid he would have 'shoved the queer' just to get his money back, with a reasonable (say two per cent.) profit. After all, the question is still unanswered."
But the Thomaston people probably have more persons in their midst than the oyster dealer, who think that counterfeit money is good while it passes; and they should not feel sure, without looking, that they have not in their purses more or less of the "real genuine article" of counterfeit money, especially of the "fractional currency" kind; and it may be that some of the good housewives and marketing husbands of that goodly village have wittingly or unconsciously, from time to time, passed so much of it upon the unfortunate dealer in oysters and vegetables, as to inspire him with a sense of its great "convenience in trade," and so he thought to enjoy the blessings thereof himself, and communicated with "Chatfield & Co."
Drawing my article to a close, I was about overlooking a fact, which I ought not to forget to state here, in regard to the "honest farmer." I had a little business transaction with him—the purchase, in fact, of a few pounds of very nice butter, which I took home with me. I gave him a five dollar bill, out of which he took his pay, handing me the "change," which was two dollars and twenty cents. I took it (made up of sundry pieces of fractional currency), and gave it no attention beyond rapidly counting it, and chanced to place it in one division of my wallet by itself. At Springfield, Mass., I had occasion to use some of it, when I found that a fifty cent bill of it was counterfeit. I considered this "too good a joke to keep" all alone, so I sent the bill on to the "jolly blacksmith" I have alluded to before, and made him a present of it, with the suggestion to him to present it to the "honest farmer," who, to my astonishment, when I heard of it, did not deny that he "might have let that New York fellow have it;" and he modestly took it, and gave another bill (supposed to not be counterfeit) in exchange. Whether the man knew it was counterfeit when he gave me the bill, is more than I dare say here; but his neighbors, on reading this, will probably decide that question for themselves.—S.