"Michel, I pray that material enjoyments and the pride of birth and fortune may never dazzle you! I have paid dearly for those advantages; and, in the horrible solitude of this chamber, so bright and cheerful for us two to-day, I have passed many long sleepless hours, lying on a wretched pallet, consumed by fever, and asking God why He had not caused me to be born in a goatherd's cave or on a pirate's ship. I sighed for liberty, and the lowest of beggars seemed to me more blessed than I. If I had been poor and obscure, I should have received from my parents consolation and sympathy in my misfortune; whereas the illustrious Palmarosas heaped abuse upon their child and accused her of committing a crime because she would not be compelled to lie, and because she refused to bolster up the honor of her family by an imposture. I had no books in my prison; I had received only the most superficial education, and I utterly failed to understand the persecution of which I was the object. But, during that tedious and cruel inaction, I reflected, and I discovered for myself the emptiness of human pride. My moral being was transformed, so to speak, and everything that gratifies and enhances the vanity of men appeared to me, at my own expense, in its true light.
"But why should I say at my expense rather than to my advantage? What are two years of torture compared with the blessing of truth? When I returned to liberty and life, when I found that I readily recovered the vigor of youth, and that I had the necessary time and means to benefit by the ideas that had come to me, a great calmness overspread my heart, and I voluntarily adopted the habit, theretofore forced upon me, of self-denial and resolution.
"I renounced forever all idea of love and marriage. The thought of that bliss was marred and sullied in my imagination; and as for the cravings of the heart, there was no longer anything individual in mine. They had extended beyond the circle of selfish passions; I had conceived in my suffering one genuine passion, the object of which was not the enjoyment and triumph of one human being standing apart from the general misery by virtue of her own prosperity. That passion, which consumed me like a fever, and I may say with feverish intensity, was the longing to fight for the weak against their oppressors, and to be as lavish of benefactions and consolation as my family had been of persecution and dread. I had been brought up to respect and fear the court, to detest and distrust my unhappy countrymen. Had it not been for my own catastrophe I should probably have followed those precepts and examples of hideous cruelty. My heedless nature, wherein I resembled the women of my country, might never have conceived anything better than the principles of my family, which was not one of those that were subjected to persecution, and in which exile and suffering have inspired horror of the foreign yoke and love of country. My kinsmen, being ardently devoted to the ruling powers, had always been overwhelmed with favors, and the renewed prosperity which we shall soon owe to the cardinal's inheritance makes us a shameful exception among the many illustrious families whom I have seen ground into the dust by exorbitant taxes and by outlawry.
"I was no sooner mistress of my actions and my property than I devoted my life to the relief of the unfortunate. As a woman I was debarred from taking an interest in politics, the social sciences or philosophy. And indeed what man can possibly do it under the yoke that is crushing us? But what I could do was to assist the victims of tyranny, to whatever class they might belong. I soon found that their number was so great that my income would not suffice, even if I deprived myself of the necessaries of life. Thereupon my mind was soon made up. I had determined not to marry. I was ignorant of your existence, and I looked upon myself as alone in the world. I caused an exact statement of my fortune to be prepared—a precaution which the wealthy patricians of our province very rarely take; their indifference keeps them from visiting their estates when they are in the interior of the island, and many have never set foot upon them. I investigated my property and made myself familiar with it; first of all, I sold a part in small lots, intending to supply the poor people of these regions with a little land at a very low price, in a majority of cases for nothing. That was unsuccessful. A people that has fallen into the lowest stage of poverty and slavery cannot be saved with a stroke of the pen. I tried other methods which I will describe to you in detail at another time. They failed. Everything is bound to fail when the laws of a country have decreed its ruin. I had no sooner made a family happy, than the taxes, increasing with its prosperity, made a poverty-stricken family of it. How can order and stability be secured when the state seizes sixty per cent of the income of the humble workingman as well as of the idle rich man?
"Thus I learned, with profound sorrow, that in conquered and downtrodden countries there is no resource but almsgiving, and I devoted my life to that. It required much more activity and perseverance than gifts outright and sacrifices of capital. This life of small benefactions and constant sacrifices is a task without respite, without limits and without recompense; for almsgiving affords only a momentary remedy; it creates the necessity of being repeated and extended ad infinitum, and one never sees the result of the toil one imposes upon oneself. Oh! how cruel it is to live and love when one dresses every hour a wound that cannot be healed, when one unceasingly casts one's heart and strength into a pit which can no more be filled than the crater of Ætna!
"I accepted this task, and I devote all my time to it; I realize its inefficiency, and I am not discouraged. I no longer cry out against sloth, debauchery and all the vices that poverty engenders; or, if I do, my anger is no longer against those who acquire these vices but against those who impose them and perpetuate them. I do not quite understand what is meant by discernment in almsgiving. That is all very well for free countries, where a reprimand may serve some purpose, and where the precepts of practical morality are for the use of all men. Among us, alas! misery is so widespread that good and evil are to many persons of mature years words devoid of sense; and to preach orderliness, honesty and prudence, amid suffering and hunger, is almost ferocious pedantry.
"My income has not always been sufficient to meet so many calls, Michel, and you will find your mother's fortune secretly undermined by excavations of such depth that it may perhaps crumble on my grave. Were it not for the cardinal's inheritance, I should regret to-day that I had not saved for you sufficient means to serve your country as you will; but to-morrow you will be richer than I have ever been, and you will administer your fortune according to your principles and the dictates of your heart. I shall impose no task upon you. To-morrow you will enter into possession of this great power, and I shall not be at all disturbed as to the use you may make of it. I am sure of you. You have been brought up in a good school, my son—the school of poverty and toil! I know how you repair trivial faults; I know of what sacrifices your heart is capable when it is at odds with a consciousness of duty. Prepare, therefore, to bear the burden of your misfortune—to be a prince in fact as well as in name. Within three days you have embarked upon what seem to be strange adventures; you have received more than one valuable lesson. Fra Angelo, the Marquis della Serra, Magnani—even Mila, the sweet child—have spoken to you in a language which has made a profound impression on you, I know. I saw it in your conduct, in your determination to remain an artisan; and from that moment I promised myself that I would disclose to you the secret of your destiny, even though the cardinal should live on and compel us to take extraordinary precautions."
"O mother, how noble you are! and how little people know you when they think that you are a mere devotee, apathetic or eccentric? Your life is the life of a saint or martyr: nothing for yourself, everything for others!"
"Do not give me so much credit, my child," replied Agatha. "Innocent as I was, I had no claim to share in the general happiness. I was borne down by a fatality which all my efforts had succeeded only in making more burdensome. By denying myself love, I was simply fulfilling the plainest duty that honor imposes upon a woman. So, too, in becoming a sister of charity I obeyed the imperative outcry of my conscience. I had been unfortunate; I knew unhappiness by personal experience; I was no longer one of those who can refuse to credit the sufferings of others because they have never suffered themselves. I may, perhaps, have done good without judgment; at all events, I have done it without remission and with the utmost zeal. But, in my eyes, to do good does not amount to so much as is generally supposed. To do good in this way is simply not to do evil; not to be selfish means simply that one is not blind nor detestable. I have such unbounded pity for those who are vain of their good works, that I have hidden mine almost as sedulously as I kept the secret of my marriage and your birth. My character has never been understood. I did not wish that it should be. So that I have no right to complain of having been misjudged."
"Ah! but I know you," said Michel, "and my heart will repay you a hundredfold for all the happiness of which you have been deprived."