BY BUNCH JEFFERSON
(From Recipes Furnished by Famous Friends.)
In presenting these Cuckoo Recipes for the Chafing Dish to his friends Mr. Jefferson wishes it distinctly understood that all doctors' bills arising from a free indulgence in any of the dishes suggested herein must be paid by the indulgee, and he wishes to state, further, that while this book may contain many aches and pains no ptomaine is intended.
MOCK BAKED BEANS.
(From a Recipe furnished by Morton Smith.)
Take as many buttons as the family can afford and remove the thread. Add pure spring water and stew gently till you burst your buttons. Add a little flour to calm them and let them sizzle. Serve with tomato ketchup or molasses, according to the location you find yourself living on the map. A quart bottle of Pommery on the side will help some.
MOCK HAM AND EGGS.
(From a Recipe furnished by De Wolf Hopper.)
Place the white of a newspaper in the frying pan, and then cover the centre with an Italian sunset picked fresh from a magazine picture. This forms the basis of the egg and it tastes very realistic. Be sure to get a fresh newspaper and a fresh magazine, edited by a fresh editor, otherwise the imitation egg will be dull and insipid. Now add a few slices of pickled linoleum and fry carelessly for twenty minutes. Serve hot with imitation salt and pepper on the side. This is a daylight dish, because the sunset effect is lost if cooked after dark.