Take an old whisk broom and remove the handle. If the handle is made of wood keep it, because it can be turned into a breakfast food the first time you see a sawmill. Now remove the wire from the broom and sprinkle with baking soda. Serve cold with a pinch of salt on the northwestern end.
IMITATION BEEF TEA.
(From a Recipe furnished by Rupert Hughes.)
Take the white of an egg and beat it without mercy. When it is insensible put it in the teapot and add enough hot water to drown it. Let it drown about twenty minutes, then lead the yolk of an egg over to the teapot and push it in. Season with a small pinch of paprika and let it simper. Serve hot, and always be sure to put a piece of lemon in the finger-bowl.
IMITATION MOCK TURTLE SOUP.
(From a Recipe furnished by John L. Golden.)
Go out in the garden and catch a young mock. Remove the pin feathers and place the mock in a skillet. Catch an onion when it isn't looking and push it in the skillet. Add water and let it sizzle. Add more water. Be sure there are no chemicals in the water. Add more water. Always wash the water before adding. Now upset the skillet into the soup tureen and add imitation Tabasco sauce. Imitation Tabasco sauce can be made from pickled firecrackers. Serve hot and keep the lips closed firmly while eating it from the left-hand side of the spoon.
IMITATION ROAST BEEF.
(From a Recipe furnished by E. W. Kemble.)
Draw from memory the outlines of a cow and remove the forequarter. Place the forequarter on the gridiron and let it sizzle. Now brown the wheats and draw one. Add boiling water and stir gently with an imitation spoon. After cooking two hours try it with the can-opener. If it breaks the can-opener it is not done. Let it sizzle. When the supper bell rings serve hot with imitation pickles on the side. Nice pickles can be made from green trading stamps, but be careful to squeeze out all the premiums from the green trading stamps before using, because the premiums are full of ptomaine.