List of Illustrations

[ Don't Shoot, Please 019 ] [ Doctors Left a Monkey Wrench in Him 025 ] [ Went out Just Ahead of the Old Man's Arctic Overshoes 027 ] [ Pasted a Tomato Can Label on the Suitcase 31 ] [ He Began to Dance All Around the Platform 037 ] [ Fished out a Nickel and Gave It to the Porter 042 ] [ President Began to Curl up his Lip 045 ] [ I Was Starting to Give Him a Swift Punch 047 ] [ Saw the Marble Coffins in Which George and Martha 050 ] [ Slipped It Down the Back of Dad's Pants 057 ] [ The Waiter Brought Dad the Check 063 ] [ One Man Wanted Dad to Cash a Check 067 ] [ Night Watchman Came in With a House Policeman 071 ] [ I Am Sorry for Dad, Because he Holds More Than I Do 074 ] [ A Speech, Thanking his Fellow Countrymen 078 ] [ Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep 094 ] [ Snarl at Everybody They See 101 ] [ Stood Around and Let Richard Kill Those Princes 098 ] [ Beefeater's Stampede 107 ] [ Suit he Had Made in Oshkosh 111 ] [ Settling the Irish Question 115 ] [ God Save the King 119 ] [ He Went over Backwards 121 ] [ Glad to Serve Any of the Descendants Of The Heroes 126 ] [ Dad Rolled off over the Bowsprit 128 ] [ Isn't Money Enough in the Whole Family to Wad a Gun 131 ] [ Dad Drove the Dukes out 135 ] [ Coughs up a Tip Every Time 143 ] [ A Tone of Voice That Meant Trouble 138 ] [ I Won't Hurt the Little Runt 145 ] [ Tried to Explain That he Had Been Buncoed 148 ] [ Badge on Dad's Breast, With the Word “bishop” 153 ] [ Dad Was a Sight when We Found Him in Jail 155 ] [ Flies Crawling Around There Are Men and Women 157 ] [ He Took out a Five-dollar Bill 159 ] [ Dance, Like They Had Seen the People Dance at The Show 164 ] [ A System of Gambling 162 ] [ Seeing the Poor Devils Who Had Gone Broke 166 ] [ Reach Into Another Pocket and Dig up Another Roll 171 ] [ Started in on a Democratic Speech 175 ] [ Dad Got Down on his Knees and Tried to Say a Prayer 178 ] [ Dad Slipped Down a Crevice About 100 Feet 181 ] [ Have to Remain There Until Spring Opened 183 ] [ Dad and the Anarchists Reveled Till Morning 188 ] [ Coughed up over $40 the First Day, Just Giving to Beggars 191 ] [ Overboard, One Yell in the English Language, One In Eye-talian 193 ] [ Then You Don't Blame Your Little Boy, Do You 197 ] [ Wanted to Turn in a Fire Alarm 201 ] [ Threw a Pail of Ashes over the Fence 204 ] [ Dad Insisted on Carrying an Umbrella 207 ] [ The Man Rolled Dad over and he Was a Sight 210 ] [ It Was a Picture to See Dad Go up Old Baldhead 214 ] [ And She Was Stroking his Hair 217 ] [ He Was Yelling for Water 223 ] [ Pulled a Long Blue Gun 220 ] [ It Brought on a Revolution 227 ] [ What Dad Expected of Me in the Way Of Amusement 230 ] [ Went over in the Sand and Struck his Pants on a Cactus 233 ] [ He Took the Lead for Good Old Rome 235 ] [ Had to Kiss Anybody They Brought To Me 238 ] [ For Awhile Dad Dassent Go up 241 ] [ He Would Break Me up Into Bones, and Throw Me Into a Pile 246 ] [ The Russian Told Dad That Nicholas Just Doted On Americans 250 ] [ See the Guards Shaking Dice for Our Money 253 ] [ A Cossack Rode Right up to Him and Lashed Him over The Back 258 ] [ Hit Dad in the Nose With The Butt of a Revolver 255 ] [ Hung by One Pant Leg 264 ] [ Piled Us out on Top of Dad 269 ] [ Dad Stood up in the Sledge 267 ] [ Pursued by a Pack of Ravenous Wolves 271 ] [ When Dad Put his Hand on Her Shoulder and Petted It 276 ] [ Get out You Hounds 282 ] [ There'll Be a Hot Time in the Old Town To-night 279 ] [ Another Took Me by the Ear 285 ] [ He Must Bring his Folks, and All His Wives 289 ] [ He Was Just Getting Warmed up 293 ] [ Stampede 299 ] [ It Takes Nine Baths to Get Down To American Epidermis 304 ] [ Sat There Like a Frog on A Pond Lily Leaf 308 ] [ Started on a Stampede for the Pyramids 311 ] [ I Was Ashamed of Dad 319 ] [ Pay, Or They Would Kill Him 316 ] [ Dad is Disguised As a Shiek 323 ] [ Keep Away from the Banks for Fear The Banks Will Cave In 329 ] [ Sang So Loud You Would Think he Would Split Hisself 333 ] [ Breathed in his Face 339 ] [ The King Got One Piece of the Cayenne Pepper Candy 347 ] [ Dad Couldn't Stand It Any Longer 343 ] [ Dad's Pants Stayed on the Bull's Horns 349 ] [ There is Laughter Everywhere 353 ] [ And So This is the Champion Little Devil of America 357 ] [ Dad Leaned Against a Lamp Post and Scratched his Back 364 ] [ Began to Sell Things To Dad 368 ] [ Dad and Leopold Make a Rush for That Swimming Place 372 ] [ I'll Swim You a Match to the Other Side 378 ] [ When the Goats Began to Chew The Clothes 375 ] [ Grabbed a Mouthful of Dad's Ample Pants 386 ] [ The Ox Bellowed and Run Away 382 ]


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CONTENTS

[ CHAPTER I. ]

CHAPTER I.
The Bad Boy and His Chum Call on the Old Groceryman After Being Away at
School—The Bad Boy's Dad in a Bad Way

[ CHAPTER II. ]

CHAPTER II.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Ready for Their Travels—The Bad Boy Labels the
Old Man's Suit Case—How the Cowboys Made Him Dance Once

[ CHAPTER III. ]

CHAPTER III.
The Bad Boy Writes About the Fun They Had Going to Washington—He
and His Dad Call on President Roosevelt—The Bad Boy Meets One of the
Children and They Disagree

[ CHAPTER IV. ]

CHAPTER IV.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Visit Mount Vernon—Dad Weeps at the Grave of
the Father of Our Country

[ CHAPTER V. ]

CHAPTER V.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Have Dinner at the Waldorf-Astoria—The Bad Boy
Orders Dinner—The Old Man Gets Stuck—Tries to Rescue a Countess in
Distress

[ CHAPTER VI. ]

CHAPTER VI.
The Bad Boy Writes the Old Groceryman About Ocean Voyages—His Dad Has
an Argument Over a Steamer Chair.

[ CHAPTER VII. ]

CHAPTER VII.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Eat Fog—Call on Astor—A Dynamite Outrage

[ CHAPTER VIII. ]

CHAPTER VIII.
The Bad Boy Writes About the Craze for Gin in the White-chapel
District—He Gives His Dad a Scare in the Tower of London

[ CHAPTER IX. ]

CHAPTER IX.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Call on King Edward and Almost Settle the Irish
Question

[ CHAPTER X. ]

CHAPTER X.
The Bad Boy Writes of Ancient and Modern Highwaymen—¦ They Get a Taste
of High Life in London and Dad Tells the Story of the Picklemaker's
Daughter

[ CHAPTER XI. ]

CHAPTER XI.
The Bad Boy Writes About Paris—Tells About the Trip Across the English
Channel—Dad Feeds a Dog and Gets Arrested

[ CHAPTER XII. ]

CHAPTER XII.
The Bad Boy's Second Letter from Paris—Dad Poses as a Mormon Bishop
and Has to Be Rescued—They Climb the Eiffel Tower and the Old Man Gets
Converted

[ CHAPTER XIII. ]

CHAPTER XIII.
The Bad Boy's Dad and a Man from Dakota Frame Up a Scheme to Break the
Bank, But They Go Broke—The Party in Trouble

[ CHAPTER XIV. ]

CHAPTER XIV.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Have an Automobile Ride—They Run Over a
Peasant—Climb “Glaziers”—Dad Falls Over a Precipice, But Is Rescued by
the Guides After a Hard Time of It

[ CHAPTER XV. ]

CHAPTER XV.
Dad Plays He Is an Anarchist—They Give Alms to the Beggars and the Bad
Boy Ducks a Gondolier and His Dad in the Grand Canal

[ CHAPTER XVI. ]

CHAPTER XVI.
The Bad Boy Writes from Naples—Dad Sees Vesuvius and Calls the Servants
to Put Out the Fire—They Have Trouble with a “Dago” in Pompeii

[ CHAPTER XVII. ]

CHAPTER XVII.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Climb Vesuvius—A Chicago Lady Joins the Party
and Causes Trouble

[ CHAPTER XVIII. ]

CHAPTER XVIII.
The Bad Boy Makes Friends with Some Italian Children—Dad is Chased by
Lions from the Coliseum—” Not Any More Rome for Papa,” says Dad

[ CHAPTER XIX. ]

CHAPTER XIX.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Visit the Pope—They Bow to, the King of Italy
and His Nine Spots—Dad Finds That “The Catacombs” Is Not a Comic Opera

[ CHAPTER XX. ]

CHAPTER XX.
The Bad Boy Tells About the Land of the Czar and the Trouble They Had to
Get There—Dad Does a Stunt and Mixes It Up with the People and Soldiers

[ CHAPTER XXI. ]

CHAPTER XXI.
Dad Sees a Russian Revolution and Faints—'The Bad Boy Arranges a Wolf
Hunt—Dad Threatens to Throw the Boy to the Wolves

[ CHAPTER XXII. ]

CHAPTER XXII.
Dad Wears His Masonic Fez in Constantinople—They Find the Turks
Sensitive on the Dog Question—A College Yell for the Sultan Sends Him
Into a Fit

[ CHAPTER XXIII. ]

CHAPTER XXIII.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Meet the Cream of the Harem—“Little Egypt” Does
a Dancing Stunt—The Sultan Wants to Send Fifty Wives to the President

[ CHAPTER XXIV. ]

CHAPTER XXIV.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Arrive in Cairo—At the Hotel They Meet Some
Egyptian Princesses—Dad Rides a Camel to the Pyramids and Meets with
Difficulties

[ CHAPTER XXV. ]

CHAPTER XXV.
The Bad Boy and His Dad Climb the Pyramids—The Bad Boy Lights a Cannon
Cracker in Rameses' Tomb—They Flee from Egypt in Disguise

[ CHAPTER XXVI. ]

CHAPTER XXVI.
The Bad Boy Writes About Gibraltar—The Irish-English Army—How He Would
Take the Fortress—Dad Wants to Buy the “Rock”

[ CHAPTER XXVII. ]

CHAPTER XXVII.
The Bad Boy Writes of Spain—They call On the King and the Bad Boy Is At
It Once More—They See a Bull Fight and Dad Does a Turn

[ CHAPTER XXVIII. ]

CHAPTER XXVIII.
The Bad Boy and His Dad at Berlin—They Call On Emperor William and His
Family and the Bad Boy Plays a Joke on Them All

[ CHAPTER XXIX. ]

CHAPTER XXIX.
The Bad Boy Writes from Brussels—He and Dad See the Field of Waterloo
and Call on King Leopold, and Dad and the King Go in for a Swim—The Bad
Boy, a Dog and Some Goats Do the Rest

[ CHAPTER XXX. ]

CHAPTER XXX.
The Bad Boy's Delayed Letter About Holland and Cuba—Dad and the Boy Go
for a Drive in a Dog-Cart—They Have a Great Time—Land in Cuba and See
the Island We Fought For


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