Philadelphia, Nov. 10, 1739.
My dear Friend and Brother,
I Love you in the bowels of Jesus Christ, as a proof of it, I send this. I heartily wish I could correspond with you oftener. Your advice would always be seasonable to me; because you have been a long time in the school of Christ. I am but just now entering the list, and frequently tremble at the consideration of what I am to do and suffer.—But when I consider it is for Jesus Christ, who has called me by his free grace into his marvellous light, and has promised to be with us always, even unto the end of the world, a divine fire kindles in my heart, and I long to call the lingring battle on. Satan hath been busy with me since I saw you, especially since my retirement on ship-board. I have often thought of the folly of those, who go out of the world to avoid temptation. Satan now buffets me more than when confined in a ship. I receive this as a great mercy at the hands of the Lord to keep me in action, and to prepare me for greater tokens of his love. Before I am exalted, I am always humbled by some inward trials. They are the most soul-grieving, but they are the most soul-improving conflicts. My dear friend, I can say from my heart, “I am the chief of sinners:” I feel myself so wretched and miserable, so blind and naked in myself, that satan would tempt me to write to no one. But the Lord hath rebuked him, and after a long tedious hour of temptation, fills my soul as it were with marrow and fatness, and maketh my pen the pen of a ready writer. Oh that my mouth was filled with his praise! As yet, blessed be God, in my darkest hours my evidences have not been in the least clouded. I have been assured my Lord hath forgiven all my iniquities, transgressions and sins, but I cannot forgive myself. Oh that I should ever offend against such dying love! Pray for me, my dear brother, pray for me, that I may never by pride or sloth tempt the blessed spirit to depart from me. I fear not falling finally; for God I believe chose me in Christ before ever the earth and the world were made, as a vessel of his saving mercy; but I fear I shall provoke him to let me fall foully, and then how will the Philistines rejoice? This consideration sometimes makes me to wish that the Lord would cut off my strength in my journey, and shorten my days. But wherefore do I fear? Ah me of little faith! You see, my dear friend, how freely I have unbosomed my heart to you. I cannot call you my friend, and yet hide from you God’s dealings with my soul. Salute all that love our Lord Jesus in sincerity, and beseech them to pray for your sincere friend, but the most unprofitable of his dear Lord’s servants,
G. W.
LETTER LXXXII.
Philadelphia, Nov. 10, 1739.
Rev. and Dear Sir,
YOUR kind letters, and kinder visit, have made me frequently to long for a more close correspondence with you. I find my heart drawn out in love towards you, and had God so ordered it, could have wished to have perused what you have written in my defence. I pray God to confer on you that reward, which he has promised to give those who confess him before men. If the gospel continues to run and have such free course, I must suffer, as well as preach for my dear Lord Jesus. Oh lift up your hands, dear Sir, in the congregations of the faithful, that I may willingly, (if need be) resist even unto blood; but not with carnal weapons. Taking the sword out of the hand of God’s spirit, I fear has more than once stopped the progress of the gospel. The Quakers, though wrong in their principles, yet I think have left us an example of patient suffering, and did more by their bold, unanimous and persevering testimonies, than if they had taken up all the arms in the kingdom. In this respect I hope I shall follow them as they did Christ, and though I die for him, yet take up no carnal weapon in defence of him in any wise. The doctrines of our election, and free justification in Christ Jesus, are daily more and more pressed upon my heart. They fill my soul with a holy fire, and afford me great confidence in God my Saviour. Surely I am safe, because put into his almighty arms. Though I may fall, yet I shall not utterly be cast away. The spirit of the Lord Jesus will hold, and uphold me. That God may every day enrich you more and more with the anointings of this spirit, is the hearty prayer of, Reverend and dear Sir,
Your most obliged friend, brother, and servant in Christ,