And if God has delivered me up to evil spirits, to be dragged by them to places of torment, could it be any comfort to me, that they found me upon a bed of state? When you are as near death as I am, you will know, that all the different states of life, whether of youth or age, riches or poverty, greatness or meanness, signify no more to you, than whether you die in a poor or stately apartment.
The greatness of the things which follow death, makes all that goes before it sink into nothing.
Now, that judgment is the next thing which I look for, and everlasting happiness or misery is come so near to me, all the enjoyments and prosperities of life seem as vain and insignificant, and to have no more to do with my happiness, than the cloaths that I wore when I was a little child.
What a strange thing! that a little health, or the poor business of a shop, should keep us so senseless of these great things that are coming so fast upon us!
Just as you came into my chamber, I was thinking with myself, what numbers of souls there are in the world, in my condition at this very time, surprized with a summons to the other world: some taken from their shops and farms, others from their sports and pleasures; these at suits at law, those at gaming-tables; some on the road, others at their own fire-sides; and all seized at an hour when they thought nothing of it; frighted at the approach of death; confounded at the vanity of all their labours, designs, and projects; astonished at the folly of their past lives, and not knowing which way to turn their thoughts, to find any comfort. Their consciences flying in their faces, bringing all their sins to remembrance, tormenting them with the deepest convictions of their own folly, presenting them with the sight of the angry Judge, and the worm that never dies, the fire that is never quenched, the gates of hell, the powers of darkness, and the bitter pains of eternal death.
O my friends! bless God that you are not of this number; and take this along with you, that there is nothing but a real faith in the Lord Jesus, and a life of true piety, or a death of great stupidity, that can keep off these apprehensions.
Had I now a thousand worlds, I would give them all for one moment’s scriptural assurance that I had really received the Lord Jesus by a living faith into my heart, and for one year’s more continuance in life, that I might evidence the sincerity of that faith, by presenting unto God, one year of such devotion and good works, as I am persuaded I have hitherto never done.
Perhaps, when you consider that I have lived free from scandal and debauchery, and in the communion of the church, you wonder to see me so full of remorse and self-condemnation at the approach of death.
But alas! what a poor thing is it, to have lived only free from murder, theft, and adultery, which is all that I can say of myself. Was not the slothful servant, that is condemned in the gospel, thus negatively good? And did not the Saviour of mankind tell the young man who led a more blameless and moral life than I have done, that yet one thing he lacked.
But the thing that now surprizes me above all wonders, is this, that till of late I never was convinced of that reigning soul-destroying sin of unbelief; and that I was out of a state of salvation, notwithstanding my negative goodness, my seemingly strict morality, and attendance on public worship and the holy sacrament. It never entered into my head or heart, that the righteousness of Jesus Christ alone, could recommend me to the favour of a sin avenging God, and that I must be born again of God, and have Christ formed in my heart, before I could have any well-grounded assurance that I was a christian indeed, or have any solid foundation whereon I might build the superstructure of a truly holy and pious life.