"Oh, do no speak of it! I myself have been conscious of what you describe. There has been no time for reflection, no time for anything but pleasure! It was as though we were all a little mad. But I believe Charles understood how it was. He said once to me that the life we were leading was ruinous. It was very true! I do not deny that your wildness made him anxious; indeed, I have blamed you bitterly for it. But all that was nothing!"
"You are thinking of my having made your brother fall in love with me. It was very bad of me."
"The provocation was severe. I honoured you for coming up to Harriet so handsomely that day. There can be no excuse for her behaviour. It vexed me when you made him go to you at the Richmond's party, but I'd not blame you entirely. But afterwards! How could you have let it go on? Forgive me! I did not mean to advert to this subject. It is over, and should be forgotten. I do not know what passed between you and Charles."
"Everything of the most damnable on my part." Barbara said.
"I daresay you might lose your temper. But your conduct since that night! You left nothing undone that could hurt him."
"Nothing!" Barbara said. "Nothing that could drive him mad enough to come back to me! I would not go to him: he was to come to me - upon my own terms.Folly! He would not do it, nor did I wish him to. The news that war had broken out brought me to my senses. There was no room then for pride. Even if his affections had been turned in another direction - but could not believe it could be so, for mine were unaltered! He turned from me in the ballroom, but thought I saw, in his eyes, a look -"
Her voice was suspended; she struggled to regain her composure, and after a moment continued: "I tried to find him. Nothing signified but that I should see him before he went away. But he had gone. Perhaps I shall never see him again."
She ended in a tone of such dejection that Judith was impelled to say, with more cheerfulness than she felt "We shall not think of that, if you please! Recollect that his employment on the Duke's staff is to his advantage. He will not be in the line. Why, how absurd this is! He has survived too many engagements for us to have the least reason to suppose that he will not survive this one. Indeed, all the Duke's aides-de-camp have been with him for a long time now. Depend upon it, they will come riding back in the best of health and spirits . Meanwhile, I do earnestly beg of you to remain with us!"
"Thank you. I will do so, and try not to disgrace you. You won't be plagued with me too much, I hope. I shall be busy. Indeed, I ought not to be here now. I have promised to go to Madame de Ribaucourt's. She has made herself responsible for the preparation for the wounded, and needs help."
"Oh, that is the very thing!" Judith cried. "To be able to be of use! Stay till I fetch my bonnet and gloves! I would like, of all things, to go along with you."