“Allow me to see myself as I should see another woman in the same circumstances. And while it has not been a happy experience, it has been salutary. Of course, I knew, when you turned as sulky as Adonis and as polite as an unfaithful husband, that it was all over. But—being a woman—”
“I am so sorry!”
“You say that in precisely the same tone when you forget an appointment or are late for dinner.” She spoke with soft humour. “But I did not send for you to reproach you, but for two reasons: to express my regret that I was so short-sighted as to sacrifice friendship to love, and to ask you to renew the first delightful relationship during the short time I shall remain in Munich.”
“Why not?” he asked eagerly, in his immense relief. He had found her wholly charming during their earlier acquaintance; and was quite willing to obliterate the entr’acte, were only she. He took a straight chair opposite her, and did not even look at the little white hands lying so helplessly on the black velvet lap. He shrank from her, and she guessed this, and for the moment was filled with such a rage of hatred that she would have stuck a knife into him had one been at hand. As it was she dropped her eyelashes, and permitted her red lips to quiver. Then she looked him full in the face and said quietly:
“It is too kind of you to believe that you can stand me for a fortnight longer. You are safe. You gave me a blow on the heart that has paralyzed it—no! do not get up again. I am not reproaching you, merely stating the case, quite dispassionately, as you can see. Love is a sealed book to me from this time forth, and, far from feeling reproachful,—ah! dear Mr. Ordham,—I am grateful. Just so often as a woman loves does she die. She comes to life again in the course of time, but with less and less of energy, illusion, her original power to love and be happy. I sometimes think that love is a congestion of a spot in the brain round the image of the man, which stares at her waking and sleeping, never to be banished from the tortured consciousness till Time has drained the blood from that little spot. And then it withers! And the best man on earth could never give life to that dead spot again. I am telling all this to your curious analytical mind, knowing of old how such things interest you, and being quite beyond all sensation myself. Now,” she concluded, rising like royalty and holding out her hand, which he took limply, “I shall let you go—how cold your hand is!”
“I am congealed! You have made me utterly miserable.”
“Not utterly, but a little. You deserve that much. Poor boy!” Her accent was that of the indulgent woman of the world. “Your education has begun too early. Nature did you an ill turn in giving you a brain and a charm out of all proportion to your years. You ought to be amusing yourself with nice English girls” (she knew that he hated English girls), “not playing up to a lot of European flirts a dozen years older than yourself. Be thankful that you fell into my hands. You are now as free as air once more—only—you will come here often this last fortnight?”
“Of course.” He shook hands with her once more and escaped from the house. As he opened the gate, absorbed in his miserable reflections, and quite unaware of his white dejected face, he did not notice a carriage that passed, nor that the occupant leaned forward suddenly; but a moment later he vaguely recognized the brougham and liveries of Countess Tann.
Within the magnificent Empire salon, which had tempted more than one member of the royal family, upon whom restrictions as to quarterings did not sit as heavily as upon the anointed, Hélène Wass sat with clenched hands and contorted face. She had fought down her passion at the risk of a fainting fit, but, well as she thought she knew herself, she had not guessed how difficult it would be, hardly what proportions her passion had assumed. She had not had the faintest intention of leaving Munich; her object had been to disarm her episodical lover, as cold and restive as a young girl, and with other methods and other arts win him again. Failing that, she would indulge in the doubtful joy of his mere friendship. But now she discarded not only the last alternative, but the waiting policy.
One of Ordham’s charms for this blasée woman of plebeian origin was the atmosphere of intellectual remoteness in which he seemed to dwell, and which, combined with his dignity and fine manners, made him the most finished type of the traditional aristocrat she had ever met. It was when she realized that she might never penetrate those outer envelopes of gayety and candour with which he concealed the intense reserve of his nature, that she had fallen genuinely in love with him; and the love of a woman of that sort is far more dangerous than her mere passion.