[53] Mark xiv. 27.
[54] Matt. xxvi. 34.
CHAPTER X.
MY FAREWELL TO ROME.
In the month of February, 1835, I had so arranged my affairs that nothing stood in the way of my projected departure from the Eternal City. I hesitated some time, between two separate modes of accomplishing my purpose; a sudden flight, or the more regular way of setting out in due form and with the permission of the appointed authorities. The former would put an immediate end to all my embarrassment, and give me my complete liberty at once. I was at first disposed to adopt this method, but subsequently abandoned it, on reflecting that I should thereby give occasion to a great deal of discussion with respect to my reasons for so suddenly leaving Rome; more especially as I had never yet publicly given any idea that I was at all dissatisfied with her doctrines, or that I differed in opinion with the monks, or had quitted that faith which I had hitherto advocated to the world with so much applause. It only remained to me, therefore, to adopt the latter plan, which, in a quieter and more convenient way, would suit my purpose, and excite no troublesome inquiries. Accordingly, after due deliberation, I arranged all my plans and left the result to Providence.
Cardinal Serra di Cassano had requested me to preach during Lent, in his archiepiscopal church at Capua. I accepted the duty, and forwarded to the good Father General Olivieri my resignation of the post he had conferred on me; which he was pleased to accept, on condition that, as soon as my duties at Capua were over, I should return to Rome, where, he gave me to understand, fresh promotion awaited me. I made him no promise, merely hinting that it was possible I might return, unless God should think fit to order my steps elsewhere. He did not appear to comprehend my meaning, and my projects were confined within my own breast.
"I hope," said he to me, "you will present yourself to the pope. Cardinal Polidori told me that he wished to see you. I think it would be as well for you to keep up the etiquette in these matters."
"As you wish me to do so, most reverend father, I will go to the pope; but, to tell you the truth, I thought I might dispense with the ceremony."
"Why you know the pope has a regard for you; he frequently inquires after you; and it was only the other day he was talking of a dinner given by Cardinal Velzi at the Villa Salara, where he said he met you and Cardinal Castiglioni, before he became Pius VIII."