Guida was amazed and moved. Her heart filled with pity. “Ranulph—poor Ranulph!” she said, half rising in her seat.
“No, no—wait,” he rejoined. “Sit where you are till I tell you all. Guida, you don’t know what a life it has been for me these four years. I used to be able to look every man in the face without caring whether he liked me or hated me, for then I had never lied, I had never done a mean thing to any man; I had never deceived—nannin-gia, never! But when my father came back, then I had to play a false game. He had lied, and to save him I either had to hold my peace or tell his story. Speaking was lying or being silent was lying. Mind you, I’m not complaining, I’m not saying it because I want any pity. No, I’m saying it because it’s the truth, and I want you to know the truth. You understand what it means to feel right in your own mind—if you feel that way, the rest of life is easy. Eh ben, what a thing it is to get up in the morning, build your fire, make your breakfast, and sit down facing a man whose whole life’s a lie, and that man your own father! Some morning perhaps you forget, and you go out into the sun, and it all seems good; and you take your tools and go to work, and the sea comes washing up the shingle, and you think that the shir-r-r-r of the water on the pebbles and the singing of the saw and the clang of the hammer are the best music in the world. But all at once you remember—and then you work harder, not because you love work now for its own sake, but because it uses up your misery and makes you tired; and being tired you can sleep, and in sleep you can forget. Yet nearly all the time you’re awake it fairly kills you, for you feel some one always at your elbow whispering, ‘you’ll never be happy again, you’ll never be happy again!’ And when you tell the truth about anything, that some one at your elbow laughs and says: ‘Nobody believes—your whole life’s a lie!’ And if the worst man you know passes you by, that some one at your elbow says: ‘You can wear a mask, but you’re no better than he, no better, no—“’
While Ranulph spoke Guida’s face showed a pity and a kindness as deep as the sorrow which had deepened her nature. She shook her head once or twice as though to say, Surely, what suffering! and now this seemed to strike Ranulph, to convict him of selfishness, for he suddenly stopped. His face cleared, and, smiling with a little of his old-time cheerfulness, he said:
“Yet one gets used to it and works on because one knows it will all come right sometime. I’m of the kind that waits.”
She looked up at him with her old wide-eyed steadfastness and replied: “You are a good man, Ranulph.” He stood gazing at her a moment without remark, then he said:
“No, ba su, no! but it’s like you to say I am.” Then he added suddenly: “I’ve told you the whole truth about myself and about my father. He did a bad thing, and I’ve stood by him. At first, I nursed my troubles and my shame. I used to think I couldn’t live it out, that I had no right to any happiness. But I’ve changed my mind about that-oui-gia! As I hammered away at my ships month in month out, year in year out, the truth came home to me at last. What right had I to sit down and brood over my miseries? I didn’t love my father, but I’ve done wrong for him, and I’ve stuck to him. Well, I did love—and I do love—some one else, and I should only be doing right to tell her, and to ask her to let me stand with her against the world.”
He was looking down at her with all his story in his face. She put out her hand quickly as if in protest and said:
“Ranulph—ah no, Ranulph—”
“But yes, Guida,” he replied with stubborn tenderness, “it is you I mean—it is you I’ve always meant. You have always been a hundred times more to me than my father, but I let you fight your fight alone. I’ve waked up now to my mistake. But I tell you true that though I love you better than anything in the world, if things had gone well with you I’d never have come to you. I never came, because of my father, and I’d never have come because you are too far above me always—too fine, too noble for me. I only come now because we’re both apart from the world and lonely beyond telling; because we need each other. I have just one thing to say: that we two should stand together. There’s none ever can be so near as those that have had hard troubles, that have had bitter wrongs. And when there’s love too, what can break the bond! You and I are apart from the world, a black loneliness no one understands. Let us be lonely no longer. Let us live our lives together. What shall we care for the rest of the world if we know we mean to do good and no wrong? So I’ve come to ask you to let me care for you and the child, to ask you to make my home your home. My father hasn’t long to live, and when he is gone we could leave this island for ever. Will you come, Guida?”
She had never taken her eyes from his face, and as his story grew her face lighted with emotion, the glow of a moment’s content, of a fleeting joy. In spite of all, this man loved her, he wanted to marry her—in spite of all. Glad to know that such men lived—and with how dark memories contrasting with this bright experience-she said to him once again: “You are a good man, Ranulph.”