Presently there came a chirp or two, and then the bird thrust up its head, and out came the full blessedness of its song, exultant, home-like, intimate.
Jean Jacques walked on, the bird singing by his side; and he did not look back.
CHAPTER XXI. IF SHE HAD KNOWN IN TIME
Nothing stops when we stop for a time, or for all time, except ourselves. Everything else goes on—not in the same way; but it does go on. Life did not stop at St. Saviour’s after Jean Jacques made his exit. Slowly the ruined mill rose up again, and very slowly indeed the widow of Palass Poucette recovered her spirits, though she remained a widow in spite of all appeals; but M. Fille and his sister never were the same after they lost their friend. They had great comfort in the dog which Jean Jacques had given to them, and they roused themselves to a malicious pleasure when Bobon, as he had been called by Zoe, rushed out at the heels of an importunate local creditor who had greatly worried Jean Jacques at the last. They waited in vain for a letter from Jean Jacques, but none came; nor did they hear anything from him, or of him, for a long, long time.
Jean Jacques did not mean that they should. When he went away with his book of philosophy and his canary he had but one thing in his mind, and that was to find Zoe and make her understand that he knew he had been in the wrong. He had illusions about starting life again, in which he probably did not believe; but the make-believe was good for him. Long before the crash came, in Zoe’s name—not his own—he had bought from the Government three hundred and twenty acres of land out near the Rockies and had spent five hundred dollars in improvements on it.
There it was in the West, one remaining asset still his own—or rather Zoe’s—but worth little if he or she did not develop it. As he left St. Saviour’s, however, he kept fixing his mind on that “last domain,” as he called it to himself. If this was done intentionally, that he might be saved from distraction and despair, it was well done; if it was a real illusion—the old self-deception which had been his bane so often in the past—it still could only do him good at the present. It prevented him from noticing the attention he attracted on the railway journey from St. Saviour’s to Montreal, cherishing his canary and his book as he went.
He was not so self-conscious now as in the days when he was surprised that Paris did not stop to say, “Bless us, here is that fine fellow, Jean Jacques Barbille of St. Saviour’s!” He could concentrate himself more now on things that did not concern the impression he was making on the world. At present he could only think of Zoe and of her future.
When a patronizing and aggressive commercial traveller in the little hotel on a side-street where he had taken a room in Montreal said to him, “Bien, mon vieux” (which is to say, “Well, old cock”), “aren’t you a long way from home?” something of a new dignity came into Jean Jacques’ bearing, very different from the assurance of the old days, and in reply he said:
“Not so far that I need be careless about my company.” This made the landlady of the little hotel laugh quite hard, for she did not like the braggart “drummer” who had treated her with great condescension for a number of years. Also Madame Glozel liked Jean Jacques because of his canary. She thought there must be some sentimental reason for a man of fifty or more carrying a bird about with him; and she did not rest until she had drawn from Jean Jacques that he was taking the bird to his daughter in the West. There, however, madame was stayed in her search for information. Jean Jacques closed up, and did but smile when she adroitly set traps for him, and at last asked him outright where his daughter was.