A Renaissance Courtesy-book: Galateo of Manners & Behaviours

by Giovanni Della Casa

And to shewe them selves fine headed, of muche understanding, and wise: they counsell, reprove, dispute, and bralle, to daggers drawing, and allowe nothing els but that they say them selves.

To offer advise, unrequested: what is it els but to vaunt youre selfe wiser then he is, whom you do counsell: nay rather it is a plaine checke to him, for his Ignoraunce and folly. And therfore, you must not do so, with all your acquaintance generally: but only with your very friendes, or suche whom you are to governe & rule: or els, when a man hapely standes in daunger & perill, how muche a straunger so ever he be. But in our common Acquaintance and conversation, Let us not busy our selves, and medle to muche with other mens doings. In which fault many doe fall: but most of all, the men of least understanding. For, Men of grose capacities consider but litle: And they take no longe time to debate with them selves, as men that have litle busines to doe.

But how so ever it be, hee that offereth and geveth his counsell: geves us to thinke, hee hathe this conceite of him selfe: that all the witt is in him, and other poore men have none at all.

And sure there bee some, that stand so muche in conceite of their wit: that they will be in maner, at warres, with him, that wil not follow the counsell they give them. And thus they will say: "Very well: a poore mans counsell will not be taken: suche a one will doe as he list: suche a one geves no heede to my wordes." As though there were not more Arrogancie in thee, that sekest to bring a man to followe thy Counsell: then there is in him, that followes his owne advise.

And they doe also make the like fault, y^t take uppon them to reprove and correct mens faults, and to geve a definite sentence in all things, and lay the lawe to all men. "Suche a thing would not be done: You spake suche woordes: Doe not so: say not so: The wine that you drinke is not good for you: it would be red wine. You should use suche an Electuarie, and suche pilles:" And they never leave to reprove and correct. And let us passe that over, that otherwhile, they busy them selves so much, to purge other mens grounds: that their owne is overgrowen, and full of thornes and nettles. For it is a mervailous paine unto them, to heare one that side.

And as there be few or none, whose minds can frame, to spend their life with a Physition, a Confessour, and muche lesse a Judge that hath jurisdiction and power to controwle and correct all criminall faultes: so is ther not one, that can take any pleasure to live, or make himself familiar with suche Censors: so hard, and severe. For, every man loveth libertye: and they woulde robbe us of it, and get to be our masters. So that it is no good manner to be so redie to corect and give rules unto men: we must geve Scholemasters and Fathers leave to do that. And yet that notwithstanding, experience doth shewe, the childeren and scholers both, do often hide them selves from them, you see.

I doe not allow, that a man should scorne or scoffe at any man, what so ever he be: no not his very enimy, what displeasure so ever he beare him: for, it is a greater signe of contempt and disdaine, to scorne a man, then to do him an open wrong: forasmuch as wrongs may be done, either of choler, or of som covetous minde or other. And ther is no man will take a displeasure with that, or for that, he doth not set by: nor yet covet that thing, he doth altogether contemne. So that, a man doth make some accompt of him he dothe wronge: but of him that he scoffes and scornes, he makes no reconing at all, or as litle as may be.

And the Nature and effect of a scorne, is properly to take a contentation and pleasure to do another man shame and villany: thoughe it do our selves no good in the world. So that, good maner & honesty, would us beware we scorne no man in any case: wherin they be much to be blamed, that reprove men those blemishes they have in their person, either in woords, as Master Forese da Rabatta did, laughing at the countenaunce of Master Giotta: or in deeds, as many doe, counterfeting those that stutter, haulte, or be crookte shoulderd. And likewise, they that scoffe at any man, that is deformed, ill shapen, leane, litle, or a dwarfe, ar much to be blamed for it: or, that make a gibing and jesting at such follies as another man speaketh, or the woordes that escape him by chaunce: and with all, have a sporte and a pleasure to make a man blush: all these spitefull behaviours and fashions, worthely deserve to be hated, and make them that use them, unworthy to beare the name of an honest gentleman.

And such as use to jest at a man, be very like unto these: I meane them that have a good sport to mocke and beguile men, not in spite or scorne, but on a meriment alone. And you shall understand, There is no difference betweene a scorne and a mocke: but the purpose alone and intent a man hath, in the meaning the one or the other. For a man mockes and laughes otherwhile, in a sport and a pastime: but his scorne is ever in a rage and disdaine. Although in common speache and writing, wee take the one woorde sometime for the other. But He that doth scorne a man: feeleth a contentation in the shame he hath done him: And hee that dothe mocke, or but laughe: taketh no contentation in that he hath done: but a sport, to be merry & passe the time away: where it would be, both a greefe and a sorrow, perchaunce, unto him, to see that man receave any shame, by any thing he said or did unto him.

And althoughe I profited litle, in my Grammar in my youthe; yet I remember that Mitio, who loved Aeschines so muche, that he him selfe had wonder at it; yet other while, toke a sporte & a pleasure to mocke him: as when he said to him selfe: I will go to give him a mocke: so that, I must inferre, that the selfe same thing, done to the very selfe same body: according to the intent of him that doth it, may be either a mocke or scorne.