Now that I had two good commissions, and the relative advances on them, I went to Palazzo del Benino, this time to pay rather than receive, and therefore with lighter and freer spirit. I was anxious to cancel this debt, which weighed upon my mind like an incubus, which I had felt was increased and renewed every time I was forced by necessity to ask for more money; and poor Del Benino, who perceived my reluctance, encouraged me, and made me feel that it was indifferent to him whether he gave more or less, trying to distract me while he counted out the money. But this time, as I have said, I was gay and light-hearted, and caused my name to be announced by the servant in a loud voice: in short, I was in bearing and in words slightly proud.
I OFFER TO REPAY DEL BENINO.
The Count was seated writing in his usual place. He put down his pen, and staring at me with his blue eyes, said, "Sor Giovanni, welcome! I am delighted to see you. What charming thing have you to tell me? Yes, what can you tell me that I do not already know? To begin, then, I congratulate you truly—truly. You see, this is for me a new satisfaction: you cannot imagine the pleasure I feel in now seeing certain faces cloudy and sad which a few months ago were bursting with laughter. And I divert myself very much playing the ignoramus with them, saying, 'Then it appears that this youth is going straight ahead, per Bacco!' The Abel! that stands for what it is—I mean to say, that if the artist has cast it from life, as you say, the Grand Duchess Maria has caught a fine crab; but the Cain! that is scarcely begun, and they tell me that she has seen it only in the clay, and liked it, and given the order for it, and other like things; for the desire to torment them does not fail me, and they were much teased and molested by my bitter words, which I pretended not to mean and ran on. So I have diverted myself, and so I will divert myself. Now, then, again I congratulate you. And now tell me if I can do anything for you. I am at your service."
"Signor Conte, I have come to repay the money which you have lent me, with so much generosity and kindness, to enable me to make my new model of Cain, which, God be thanked, has so much pleased the Grand Duchess. If I had not already begun this, she could not have seen it; and who knows if she would have taken the risk to order even the Abel? I feel, but cannot express all the importance of your valuable aid. This aid, so timely, has been for me a second life, without which, who knows what would have become of me, discouraged, despised, and probably deserted by those who now cry out, 'Beautiful, beautiful!' Here am I, then, to thank you cordially, and to return the money I have borrowed." While I was speaking the Count gradually lost that gay and lively expression which was habitual to him, and at my last words looked at me with an expression of seriousness and regret that I knew not how to interpret. Then he said—
COUNT DEL BENINO REFUSES REPAYMENT.
"There is time enough for this; don't be in such a hurry. This is only the beginning; a thousand things may occur, and it will do you no harm to have a little money in the house. On the contrary, it may be convenient. Now think of study and your reputation; and to pay your debt to me there is time enough."
"Listen, Signor Conte: I have come here on purpose, and have brought the money. I do not need it for the present. Let me pay this material debt; that other great moral substantial debt, the infinite good you have done me, I can never repay, and never should wish to." The Count grew even more earnest and serious. He held the paper of our accounts mechanically in his hand, and tried to prove to me that there was time enough, and that I should keep the money; but seeing that I insisted, and held out my hand for the papers to see the sum due, drew it back with vivacity, and with flashing eyes said to me—
"Oh, leave me, dear Sor Giovanni, this satisfaction."
He tore up the paper and threw it in the basket. I was mortified, and had half a mind to be offended, but the kind expressions of this excellent man prevailed. He took my hand and pressed it between his, saying—
"Don't take it amiss, but leave me the consolation that I have been able to assist, even in the least degree, in the sale of your work—as you say, opened for you a future which I hope may prove full of honours. And moreover, you must know that it has always been my firm intention to assist you until the road was open and easy before you. I did not at once open my mind to you, because then, perhaps, you would not have accepted the offer; therefore I said, you will sign the contract,—and in good time you will pay. Now you have really paid me, because that small sum of money has secured your future and given me a great satisfaction."