"You try to blow me up
on my way to Tredegar House."
I wish you had chosen some other Patron Saint than Guy Fawkes, for Guy Fawkes tried to blow up the House of Lords, and on each anniversary you try to blow me up on my way to Tredegar House. Some persons may think that one Conservative Peer more or less does not matter, but I prefer that the experiment of blowing up should be tried upon the body of a Radical Peer.
Cabmen's Dinner, Newport,
Nov 5th, 1896.
"Look here, cut it short guv'nor!
I've got the cab by the hour."
There are very odd traditions about cabmen, and I am certain that sometimes they are not deserved. I have been told it is something of a tradition that it is the pride of a cabman to be able to whistle louder, to hit his horse harder, and to tell a bigger lie than anybody else. I believe that to be absolutely untrue, though some of you may know better than I do. One of you is supposed to have nearly upset a wedding. That was a dreadful thing to do. The bride and bridegroom were both at the Altar and just about to have the knot tied nicely. The clergyman began to deliver his address, but the bridegroom appeared to be in a great hurry, and said to the clergyman, "Look here, cut it short, guv'nor! I've got the cab by the hour." That was rather natural on the part of the bridegroom but the clergyman became very angry, and very nearly threw up the case....
"Look here, Mr. Huddleston, I call you a thief, a blackguard, a scoundrel, and a villain."
Cabmen are limited in the language they may use. Judge Huddleston, when a barrister, was defending a client against a cabman, who had been using very bad language. The advocacy of Huddleston won the case. The next day the cabman called upon him and said: "Look here, Mr. Huddleston, you told me yesterday that I must not call people so and so. What are your charges for telling me what I can call anyone without getting into trouble?" Mr. Huddleston named his fee, cabby paid the money, and inquired what names he might call a man with impunity. Mr. Huddleston referred to his law books, and replied: "This is what you may call a man without being had up for libel or defamation of character. You may call him a villain, a scoundrel, a blackguard, and a thief, always supposing you don't accuse him of having stolen anything." The cabby took up his hat and said: "Look here, Mr. Huddleston, I call you a thief, a blackguard, a scoundrel and a villain; not that I mean to say you ever stole anything. Good morning." So you know now exactly what you can call a man if you do not like the fare he gives you. At the same time, I do not believe you would say such things.