A little gipsy lass

by Gordon Stables

The astonished rustics gaped with dread and with curiosity when Biffins Lee, stepping forward, announced to the ladies and gentlemen that to-night they would see something that they would not only marvel at, but remember as long as their toes held together on the face of the earth. The merman, it was said, expected his daughter early next week, the real live and beautiful mermaiden who had been seen afloat in Partan Bay; and so her father to-night had determined to have a great spring cleaning of his cave. The public were requested to inspect for themselves; and, sure enough, there was the merman in all his hideous ugliness asleep in the corner of the tank. Then Biffins waved the audience back, and almost immediately afterwards they would have gladly gone still farther back if they had had a chance, for the awful old merman appeared suddenly on the surface of the tank, and began to eat pieces of fried fish that were handed to him.

'He used to eat this raw,' the showman explained, 'but he is far more civilised now.'

The trumpets brayed, the drums beat louder, the crimson light played across the tank, and with an eldritch shriek the merman disappeared. But presently, to the surprise of everybody, up to the surface of the water bobbed a cane-bottomed chair.

Now, there is not by any means a confusing amount of romance about a cane-bottomed chair. No one would go so far as to say that. And this chair was a very ordinary one, the seat of it even calling out aloud for repair. Nevertheless, it had been sent up by the merman in a business-like way, and the people with one accord lifted up their voices and cheered that old bedroom chair; and when a small deal table came to the surface next, followed by a somewhat dilapidated washstand, they cheered all the more, for the British public is certainly a strange animal; but when a three-legged stool next appeared the British public mingled laughter with its cheers. Meanwhile busy hands of supernumeraries seized article after article as it came to the top of the tank, and commenced scrubbing it with hot water and soap.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' said Biffins, with his most artistic bow, 'I feel constrained to apologise to you for the somewhat meagre, not to say shabby, appearance of the furniture sent up to undergo spring cleaning. I must admit that it is scarcely the sort of articles one would naturally expect in a merman's cave. We might have looked forward to a better display than this: furniture inlaid with gold and precious stones—the onyx, the jasper, the opal, and coral white and crimson—carpets of green sea-moss, and curtains of the velvety sea-weeds, with candelabra that would have dazzled the eyes, and articles of bigotry and virtue. But our merman came here in a hurry, and left his caves and his marble halls all behind him. I have not myself been down to the bottom of this mighty tank, and have not, therefore, had a peep inside the merman's cave; but, judging from these specimens, I should fancy the poor merman has had to "furnish throughout on the hire system."'

At this moment the merman himself came to the surface, puffing and blowing as if choking with dust. He was wearing an old flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and had a dust-pan in one hand and sweeping-brush in the other, while round his head was pinned a dirty old rag of a towel. He signed to Biffins Lee for a drink, and a tumbler of some brown liquor like rum was handed to him. This he tossed off, threw the glass at Biffins's head, and dived below to work again.

By-and-by he came up once more, and, receiving article after article, critically examined it for specks of dirt, then dived with it and appeared again to grasp another, and so on until all the furniture was down below. After this the creature came to the surface, tore off the old woollen garment and the disreputable-looking towel, rolled them together, and threw them disdainfully at the showman. Then it yawned in a tired way, stretched itself as if much fatigued, and dived below.

'Now,' said Biffins Lee, 'the great spring cleaning is all over, and next week I hope to have the extreme felicity of introducing to your notice the merman's only daughter, the beautiful mermaid herself.'

But Biffins Lee was too confident. He was at the height of his glory at present with his Queerest Show on Earth, and he little knew what was in store for him.