“Did you ever feel lost?” asked the Chaplain in an almost conspiratorial tone.
“What? Well, I don’t know.”
“I mean did you ever feel lonely?”
“Certainly, haven’t you?”
The Chaplain was a little startled; then he answered quickly, “No, never. You see I have something to fall back on.”
“I suppose you do,” said Evans and he tried to sound thoughtful and sincere but he managed only to sound bored.
The Chaplain laughed. “I’m being unfair, talking to you like this when your mind’s on the ship and ... and things.”
“No, no, that’s all right. I’m very interested. I once wanted to be a preacher.” Evans added this for the sake of conversation.
“Indeed, and why didn’t you become one?”
Evans thought a moment. Pictures of gray-haired men in black robes and gray-haired men advertising whiskey in the magazines were jumbled together in his inner eye. He had never become a minister for the simple reason that he had never been interested. But the thought that was suddenly the most shocking to him was that he had never wanted to become anything at all. He had just wanted to do what he liked. This was a revelation to him. He had thought about himself all his life but he had never been aware that he was different from most people. He just wanted to sail because he liked to sail and he wanted to get married again because it seemed like a comfortable way to live. Chaplains and Majors wanted to become Saints and Generals respectively.