I was losing ground, at least that appeal hurt; but I could not yield.
“You need not worry,” I replied, with more unconcern than I could really feel at the moment. “I will see that they understand. They do know how England cares for her women; but they know me, what a determined customer I am. They will not blame you.”
He played his last card, bashfully indeed, but with a grim resolve that won my respect.
“Dear lady, I have no wish to be personal, but you have driven me to it. You are not—ugly enough to undertake this journey.... Go and see the British Navy you love so much. We will look after the Turks, and you too. Come and see them when we have finished with them.”
I saw that I must not only be firm, but I must speak, and speak plainly. “If any harm comes of it,” I said, seriously enough, God knows, “it will be my own fault. The Turk respects women who respect themselves. Ten years ago I went to Asia Minor, with a military escort, the only woman; but I was absolutely safe all the time, everywhere.”
There was no more to be said. Discomfited, indeed, by so much chivalry, I left him, intending, after all, to wait and see if war were declared. But, fortunately, I had given no promise, for to the Scotchman I knew truth and honour were sacred things.
In justice to the official attitude, it should be clearly said that no one could be expected to understand what I should have given up had I returned to England, under orders, with the rest of my compatriots.
What, after all, were the difficulties that I had overcome in comparison with my real object—to reach Angora? What matter if the family coffers, the purses of my friends, and even editorial generosity, were one and all closed against me? None should have on their conscience that they had sent me to my death!
My contract with the newspaper! It was “deliver the goods and your reward shall be handsome.” The goods, indeed, are delivered and, in a fashion, made public. They have not, however, been acknowledged as “woman’s work,” and the reward seems still far to seek!
I had not supposed that in journalism “the sex” must suffer the double loss of justice and credit. The articles were certainly not stamped with any plain mark of a feminine special correspondent.