1) Sergius, [2)] Alexander I, [3) Persianninov,] [4) the] tale of Petrovich—the husband, who died a pilgrim. [The] following are worse: 5) the legend of the descent of Christ into hell and the reconstruction of hell, [6) a] forged coupon, 7) Hadji Murad, [8) the] substituted child, [9) the] drama of the Christian resurrection and perhaps [10) Resurrection—the] trial of a prostitute, [11) (excellent)] a brigand killing the defenceless, [12) a] mother, [13) an] execution in Odessa.[266]
[It] is depressing in the house, but I want to be and will be joyous.
I am going to write out only two things:
1) That the physical union with an accidental husband is one of the means established by God for the spread of His truth: for the testing and the strengthening of the stronger and for the enlightenment of the weaker.
2) For people professing filiality to God, not to rejoice in life, to yearn, is a dreadful sin, an error. If you understood that the end of life is the activity for God for no personal ends, then nothing could hinder this activity, could hold it back. The main thing is that life willy-nilly goes forward to the better: one’s own life and the life of the world. How not rejoice at this movement? One has only to remember that life is movement.
I write and I sleep and therefore express myself badly. Until evening, if I live.
To-day, December 14, Moscow. Morning.
Yesterday I received an unpleasant letter from Chertkov and sent him an answer (about the publications).[267]
The day before yesterday, I read the correspondence of Z about sex relations and became vexed and went to the Rusanovs’ and met Z there and showed my condemnation of him sharply. That tortured me and I wrote him a note yesterday apologising and I received a nice answer which touched me.