The misery of the famine is by far not as great as it was in 1891. There are so many lies in all the affairs among the upper classes, everything is so tangled up with lies that it is never possible to answer any question, simply—for instance, is there a famine? I am going to try to distribute as well as I can the money which has been contributed.
Yesterday there was a conversation about the same thing: Is exclusive love good? The résumé is this: a moral man will look on exclusive love,—it is all the same whether he be married or single—as on evil and will fight it; the man, who is little moral, will consider it good and will encourage it. An entirely unmoral man does not even understand it and makes fun of it.
The Russkia Viedomosti was suspended because of the Dukhobors and of me; that is too bad and I am grieved.[304]
1) The proverb: for a good son you do not have to make a fortune, for a bad one, do not leave one.
2) I have made the following note: “God doesn’t know when the awakening of people will take place.” This is what it means: I think that the life of humanity consists in a greater and greater awakening, in an enlightening. And this awakening, this enlightening, will be done by people themselves (by God in people). And in this is life, in this is the good, and therefore this life and this good cannot be taken away from people.
3) My awakening consisted in this, that I doubted the reality of the material world. It lost all meaning to me.
To-morrow Apr. 28. Grinevka. If I live, I’ll finish.
To-day Apr. 29. Morning. Grinevka.
Felt great weakness. Am better since yesterday. But unable to write anything. Went to Lopashino,[305] took notes.[306]
Read Boccaccio—it is the beginning of the master-class, immoral art.