13) Lieskov made use of my theme and badly.[330] I had an exquisite thought—three problems: What was the most important time? what man? and what act? The time is the immediate, this minute; the man—he with whom you have immediate business; the act, to save your soul, i.e., to do the act of love.[331]
14) It is impossible to save humanity from that deception in which it is caught.... Only a religious feeling can give the counterstroke and conquer.
June 13. Y. P. If I live.
June 14. Y. P. Evening.
Both days I wrote Father Sergius. It is coming out well. Wrote letters. To-day there was a christening.[332]
I still cannot be fully good.... It is difficult, but I do not despair.
To-day June 22. Y. P.
On the 16th I fell very ill.[333] I never had felt so weak and so near death. I am ashamed to have made use of the care which they gave me. I could do nothing. I only read and made some notes. To-day I am a great deal better. Ukhtomsky[334] was pleased with my article,[335] but nevertheless he refused to print it. I telegraphed to Menshikov that he should try the Viestnik Evropa and the Russki Trud.[336] I am afraid I am going to become tiresome.
The youth have been driven away. For they have forbidden that the flour that was bought be sold.[337]