* * * I think I can understand what you must feel. I know well what those first three years were—what fearful suffering, tearing and uprooting those feelings which had been centred in beloved Papa’s existence! It is indeed, as you say “in mercy,” that after the long storm a lull and calm ensues, though the violent pain, which is but the reverse side of the violent love, seems only to die out with it, and that is likewise bitter. Yet, beloved Mama, could it be otherwise? There would be no justice or mercy, were the first stage of sorrow to be the perpetual one; and God grant, that time may still soothe and alleviate that which it cannot change! I can only imagine what the loss must be, if I measure it by the possession of that one adored being, who is the centre and essence of my existence.
Darmstadt, February 28th.
* * * Yesterday we had a very interesting lecture in our house about Art in Venice, by a young Swede [Herr von Molin], who has been studying three years in Italy. We had the room full of people, artists, and professors, who liked to listen.
* * * All the natural cleverness and sharpness in the world won’t serve nowadays, unless one has learnt something. I feel this so much; and just in our position it is more and more required and expected, particularly in a small place, where so much depends on the personal knowledge and exertions of the Princes.
Darmstadt, March 8th.
* * * The knowledge of dear sweet Alix’s state makes me too sad. It is hard for them both, and the nursing must be very fatiguing for Mrs. Clarke. I am so distressed about darling Alix that I really have no peace. It may, and probably will, last long, which is so dreadful.[73]
March 28th.
* * * We mean to have some children on the 5th, so that Victoria can have a party.
My father-in-law is better again, I am happy to say. The warm weather did him good at once.
Darmstadt, April 1st.