"Pray to God," he said, "that your heart may be nerved and steeled, without having to pass through the pain and despair mine suffered before it attained to calm firmness and clear conviction."
He stepped closer to him, and laid his hand upon his shoulder.
"I too," he said in a gentle voice, "was young like yourself, I was cheerful and happy as you are, I had a wife whom my soul adored, I had a daughter two years old whose pure eyes seemed to me a greeting from heaven. I was a surgeon in Rome, my hand was skilful, riches streamed down upon me. I loved all mankind, when I put my arm around my wife and held my sweet child upon my knee. To help all who were suffering was my most holy endeavour, my thank-offering for all the happiness that God had bestowed upon me. And I had a brother," he added, with a dreamy look, searching amongst the memories of the past; "I loved him from his tenderest childhood, I was older than he, and I had formed his mind, and educated his heart. He was a disciple of the noble art of painting, that fair flower of my lovely country, and I saw with pride the creations of his pencil, in which the breath of genius lived, and which approached nearer and nearer to the great works of the ancients. It was a good and happy time. My brother wished to try his pencil on the highest and holiest subject art can create, the divinely blessed Virgin with the Child Jesus. My wife sat to him as a model, my child upon her lap was to represent the Divine Child. Was it a sin, a presumptuous crime? The great Raphael had painted the forms of earthly women for his madonnas, and yet the wonderful spirit of divinity had enlightened his eyes. I rejoiced, and was happy in the thought that by the hand of my brother all that I loved on earth might be united to do God service. I was absent long hours in the exercise of my profession," he continued in a gloomy voice, "and one day when I returned, they had vanished! My brother had tempted my wife away, or she him, I know not which--I know nothing except that they were gone, and that they had taken my innocent child with them, that her pure eyes might bring me no comfort in my loneliness!"
He said the last words lower and lower, his eyes seemed far away, his features trembled with painful emotion.
He sank down into an arm-chair as if exhausted, the abbé looked at him with much sympathy.
"It is long since I have spoken of this," said the count after a moment, in a calm and melancholy voice, "since I have probed my wound with words. You see," he said, with an indescribably sad smile, "the wound is not yet healed.--All my inquiries were in vain," he then proceeded; "I could find no trace of the fugitives. Shall I describe my feelings? It would be hard to find human language to express them. I despaired of God, my soul revolted wildly against heaven; I wished to put an end to my life, and only a slight hope of recovering my child, my poor, innocent child, made me delay my resolution from day to day. I abhorred mankind, I withheld the help of my knowledge from the sick, from the dying; I rejoiced with cold malice when fathers died, when children were torn from their parents, whilst an operation from my skilful hand would have saved them. I hated and despised governments and communities; could their laws, and their institutions, punish or prevent such crimes as had been committed against me? If I could have destroyed the whole human race with one word, I would have spoken that word with a scornful smile, and have reduced every living creature to eternal nothingness! Oh! my young friend," he said, with a heavy sigh, "those were frightful days and nights that I passed through; my spirit went down into hell, and I felt what seethes and ferments in its depths! In my breast its horrible, yelling voices resounded; I, too, pronounced that 'No' against the decrees of the Creator, against the God of mercy and of love! An old worthy priest, a valiant warrior of the Church, came to me; he forced himself upon me, and the fiery rays of his eloquence aroused an angry tempest in the midnight of my soul, every fibre of my being shuddered. But after the storm came light. I learned from my wise teacher and guide, that no decree of government or of society, however well-founded, however wise, can banish sin. That power belongs to the Holy Church alone, that community ordained of God, and when at last she possesses the world in her all-powerful grasp, sin will be vanquished, and crime will vanish from the earth. I learned to know that there is no higher, no holier calling than this, to strive that all things may be committed to the power of the Church, that the work of our Saviour's redemption may be completed, that the blood of Christ may flow down upon all mankind; there is no prouder, no more glorious deed possible, than to compel sin itself to the service of heaven. But," he continued, and his eyes glowed with energy and indomitable will, "I also saw the frightful weapons of the Church's foes, and I learnt that victory can only be obtained by seizing with a firm, relentless hand all the weapons of the will and the mind; above all, by grasping with an iron hand all the evil powers of the sinful world, and compelling them to serve the Holy Cause, by an annihilating warfare against each other. I dedicated my life to the cause of the Church militant, and God strengthened my heart and enlightened my mind, and he gave me power over men to guide the threads of their fate. I have often held a fearful and demoniacal power; but my good angel has not failed me, the hellish power has served heaven, as the gigantic power of steam obeys the pressure of the human hand. And ought I to hesitate and doubt," he cried passionately, "in the choice of the weapons whereby the victory, the great and holy victory, may be won? ought I to throw away the power I have gained over the enemy, and make myself and the cause I serve the laughing-stock of the world? Oh! I fear not the powers of hell, this hand is strong enough to bend them to my will, and in the name of God to compel the evil ones to work his good pleasure!"
The abbé looked with admiration at the count's perfect and animated face.
"Forgive me, my master," he said humbly, "if I doubted; and do not withdraw your strong hand from me, to guide and to support."
The count held out his hand.
"Your powers, too, will be steeled in the battle," he said, "but never forget that though man, the weak and sinful creature, may venture to wield these weapons, only he has a right to seize them who renounces all, that he may live and die an instrument to increase the glory of God!"