“I became curious to know the nature of this atmospheric element which produced such merriment, and on careful analysis found the air to be strongly impregnated with pure nitrous oxide or “laughing gas,” an inferior quality of which was formerly used by our dentists.
“Likewise, when they felt a desire to cry, they went to another neighborhood, where certain bushes abounded, bearing on their drooping branches a profusion of “Job’s Tears,” the sight of which so affected the visitors that they were at once transformed into veritable Niobes—all tears. They wept, sighed and wailed until their longing had subsided.
“Their solution of the habitation problem was, I think, that which wise men on this earth have been trying to solve from the beginning of creation. This Utopian planet contained no dwellings built by mankind, consequently there were no taxes, no new land theories, no internal revenue or protection embargoes. The planet itself produced everything without the aid of its people and they enjoyed the fruit of the soil equally.
“Whenever these creatures desired to rest, they retired to certain localities, where millions of velvety couches grew like toadstools, on which they reclined, while the vegetation around, with its narcotic perfumes, lulled them quietly to sleep.
“The duration of their day, which was a continual twilight of variegated designs, was according to my chronometer fifty hours long, and they divided it into two equal parts, twenty-five hours of which they slept in balmy dreamlands, while the other twenty-five they indulged in all kinds of recreations and no work at all! Ah! as the working hours of our laboring classes are decreasing day by day by the glorious medium of Unionism, I am happy to predict that we are on the right path of some day reaching that millennium of doing nothing, so that we shall at last have twelve hours of sleep, and twelve hours of recreation!
“When I saw all these wonderful things, I confess, I forgot my mission sublime, and determined then and there to transport myself to that celestial sphere. Consequently I approached one of them and appealed for admission to that land of rest and perpetual bliss. Scarcely had I spoken, when I felt the atmosphere about me become suffocating; there was thunder and lightning and a sepulchral voice was heard to say:
“‘No earthly domination here.’
“This dread injunction rendered me insensible and when consciousness returned I found myself at the foot of the Kinchinginga’s, amidst the ruins of that wonderful telescope by nature made!”