“It would be well if you were oftener to take the beggar’s bag upon your shoulders,” he said. And, having shaken hands in parting, he walked away.
“God be with you,” said the farmer, and stood for some moments watching the beggar as he limped along. For the first time in his life he began to feel that perhaps after all wealth and security were not the only things worth coveting. There were other things—other feelings than the sense of material gain or loss.
He walked back to the house somewhat humbled in mind, and, going into his room, sat down on the bed with his head bowed in his hands. For long hours he sat there, seemingly in thought. In the evening, he roused himself with a sigh, and went out to where the men were working. His tone seemed harsher than his wont as he ordered them about.
But Guest the One-eyed went on his way, shivering and muttering to himself:
“Haste—yes, for today. But tomorrow? Who knows? Who asks? What do we know of it all? Life ... and mortals playing at joy and sorrow; a little life ... a long life ... playing at life ... playing with others’ hearts and with our own. And thinking it all in earnest. And the end? The grave, the grave. Cold earth, dark earth, where the sun cannot reach, though its grace be spread all above. My God, my God, what are my thoughts? Not earnest? Is it not earnest, all our life? Lord, forgive me. Thoughts, thoughts that come and go—but not for long. Thoughts fearing to end, to die under the earth, and never reach to heaven. My soul—Lord God, where is my soul? Is there a soul that is mine? Lord, Lord, forgive me! This is the last day Thy grace allows me; the last day of life on earth, of life and the blessing of the sun for me; the last day granted me to feel joy in the light. Joy? But my days have been pain, pain. And yet there is joy.... The last day ... Lord, here am I, Thy servant. Let Thy wrath be turned away from me, O Lord, and see my heart that repents, repents. Forgive me, Lord....”
He crouched down beside a rock, and laid his head upon the stone.
“God in heaven, I can feel Thy presence. Or is it that God is far away? Is it mercy or God’s judgment that comes? Forgive me, Lord, if there can be forgiveness.... Thy will be done!”
He rose, and limped along his painful way.
CHAPTER XII
Guest the One-eyed wandered far that day. He felt that it was fated to be his last.