“To you—yes. But you made me angry, you know. Up to then, I was only miserable—and so hopelessly tired. And here you are reproaching me for things I could not help. And really, you know, when you are so utterly foolish as to measure me by your standards, I can’t call you anything else. I don’t repent what I did tonight. How can a man repent things that happen—things over which he had no control whatever? But I do repent—or at least, I am sorry—for what happened before—for what brought it all about. Grahl was my friend and benefactor—and yet I cannot feel any grief at his death. I simply can’t think at all at the present moment; haven’t a single atom of emotion in me. I’m just a wilderness. Oh, if you knew what I am suffering now—death would be welcome; a relief. There’s just one thing that grows and grows in me now—the need to go back, to go home.”
“And your father—what will he say, do you think?”
“My father? I don’t know. I wonder what he will say. It will be a big disappointment to him, this. How could I ever have done it? I don’t understand myself now—it all seems so ridiculous; to lose control of oneself like that.”
Blad started.
“Then—then you didn’t do it on purpose?”
“Good heavens, no! Did you—could you think that of me? I suppose you fancied it was a new sort of advertising trick—well, why not?”
“Ormarr—forgive me. But you were so cool about it all—I never thought....”
“All right, never mind. We won’t worry about it any more. I’m dead tired. Stay here tonight, won’t you? I’m not going to bed; no good trying to sleep. Stay and see me off; the boat goes at nine. Thanks, that’s good of you. Get some sleep, if you can, yourself. There’s a lot of things I’ll want you to do for me while I’m away. Send me—no ... no, I won’t have any of these things here. You can take them over—keep what you care about and sell the rest. I want to forget these years—as far as I can. Though I’ve learned much in the time—and paid dearly for it. Now I am going home—going home to Iceland, and then ... what next, I wonder?”
CHAPTER V
It was a bright wintry day when Ormarr, watching from the captain’s bridge, saw his native land rise snow-clad from the blue-green sea against a high, clear sky. The captain noticed that the fur-clad man who had been up on the bridge since early that morning to get the first glimpse of land, seemed strangely moved at the sight of it. Well, it was none of his business....