"My heart glowed with friendship; ingratitude appeared to me, as it still does, a black vice. Finally, I must say one word of my feelings as a youth; to maiden charms I was very sensitive, but never did a faithless word pass my lips. The loves of the scholars were repugnant to me, but I will not deny having entertained secretly a hope that some female heart might be gracious to me; but pale and thin as I was, I often seriously doubted the possibility of it.
"The expression of quiet melancholy in the eyes of L. v. D. attracted me early; I had the greatest pleasure in talking to her, and she was the only one of my sisters' playfellows with whom I walked, when we rambled about the garden. But she left Zittau soon, and never did a word escape my lips—and how could it? In 1788, I saw her again once; after that time never again.
"My first school occupations drove away all such thoughts, although I was teased as well as others, when I had danced more with one maiden than another at the school balls. Sometimes undoubtedly there were moments, when from braggadocio, I made it appear as if there was something in question, where certainly there was nothing.
"But shortly before my departure—at a school ball—I met with Lorchen L., who was destined by my stars, to be the companion of my life, and entered into conversation with her. Even then I was much charmed with her! and danced oftener and with greater pleasure, than with any other maiden. It made me uneasy to feel that in some months I should be away. The impression upon me was not concealed from my class, and they bantered me; and I looked gloomy. Even during more than six years' absence, her image ever rose before me. If there are inward voices, this was one for me!
"The day dawned on which I was to take leave of Zittau, and my sister was to accompany me to Leipzig. With tears I parted from Müller, and with emotion from all the teachers. In the evening I took a lonely walk in the open air, the evening sky shone bright, the reflection fell on my mother's grave. Tears burst from me: 'Yes, mother! I vowed that I would be good!' With hasty steps I went home. 'Now we shall never more,' said my brother, 'never more,' wander together, he would have said, but tears choked his voice.
"We slept little, talking almost the whole night, and early, about four o'clock, our travelling carriage rolled out of Zittau."
Thus does a sensible man of the time of our fathers and grandfathers, relate the boy-life in a citizen's family, honourable and serious, of strict morality, and no common strength of intellect. Still, with depth of feeling is united a sentimentality which will perhaps excite a smile, perhaps touch the heart. It is the secluded life of a wealthy family, but how earnest is the feeling of the child, how laboriously he spends his days! The greatest enjoyment of the young boy is in learning; he finds an inexhaustible source of elevation and enthusiasm in the knowledge that he imbibes.
The narrator seeks his happiness in family life, in the duties of his office, and in science and art. He forms an elevated and profound conception of everything. Politics only disturb him. It was not till the next generation that man's feelings were excited, their powers awakened, and new qualities developed by the idea of a Fatherland.