"Then I took up my newspaper to aid my digestion. Every Sunday I read
the Gil Blas in the shade by the side of the water. It is
Columbine's day, you know; Columbine, who writes the articles in
the Gil Blas. I generally put Madame Renard into a rage by
pretending to know this Columbine. It is not true, for I do not know
her and have never seen her, but that does not matter. She writes very
well, and then she says things that are pretty plain for a woman. She
suits me and there are not many of her sort.
"Well, I began to tease my wife, but she got angry immediately, and
very angry, so I held my tongue. At that moment our two witnesses who
are present here, Monsieur Ladureau and Monsieur Durdent, appeared on
the other side of the river. We knew each other by sight The little
man began to fish again and he caught so many that I trembled with
vexation and his wife said: 'It is an uncommonly good spot, and we
will come here always, Désiré.' As for me, a cold shiver ran down my
back, and Madame Renard kept repeating: 'You are not a man; you have
the blood of a chicken in your veins'; and suddenly I said to her:
'Look here, I would rather go away or I shall be doing something
foolish.'
"And she whispered to me, as if she had put a red-hot iron under my
nose: 'You are not a man. Now you are going to run away and surrender
your place! Go, then, Bazaine!'
"I felt hurt, but yet I did not move, while the other fellow pulled
out a bream. Oh, I never saw such a large one before, never! And then
my wife began to talk aloud, as if she were thinking, and you can see
her tricks. She said: 'That is what one might call stolen fish, seeing
that we set the bait ourselves. At any rate, they ought to give us
back the money we have spent on bait.'
"Then the fat woman in the cotton dress said in her turn: 'Do you mean
to call us thieves, madame?' Explanations followed and compliments
began to fly. Oh, Lord! those creatures know some good ones. They
shouted so loud that our two witnesses, who were on the other bank,
began to call out by way of a joke: 'Less noise over there; you will
interfere with your husbands' fishing.'
"The fact is that neither the little man nor I moved any more than if
we had been two tree stumps. We remained there, with our eyes fixed on
the water, as if we had heard nothing; but, by Jove! we heard all the
same. 'You are a thief! You are nothing better than a tramp! You are a
regular jade!' and so on and so on. A sailor could not have said more.
"Suddenly I heard a noise behind me and turned round. It was the other
one, the fat woman, who had attacked my wife with her parasol.
Whack, whack! Mélie got two of them. But she was furious, and
she hits hard when she is in a rage. She caught the fat woman by the
hair and then thump! thump! slaps in the face rained down like
ripe plums. I should have let them fight it out: women together, men
together. It does not do to mix the blows. But the little man in the
linen jacket jumped up like a devil and was going to rush at my wife.
Ah! no, no, not that, my friend! I caught the gentleman with the end
of my fist, and crash! crash! One on the nose, the other in the
stomach. He threw up his arms and legs and fell on his back into the
river, just into the hole.
"I should have fished him out most certainly, Monsieur le Président,
if I had had time. But, to make matters worse, the fat woman had the
upper hand and was pounding Mélie for all she was worth. I know I
ought not to have interfered while the man was in the water, but I
never thought that he would drown and said to myself: 'Bah, it will
cool him.'
"I therefore ran up to the women to separate them and all I received
was scratches and bites. Good Lord, what creatures! Well, it took me
five minutes, and perhaps ten, to separate those two viragos. When I
turned round there was nothing to be seen. The water was as smooth as
a lake and the others yonder kept shouting: 'Fish him out! fish him
out!' It was all very well to say that, but I cannot swim and still
less dive.
"At last the man from the dam came and two gentlemen with boathooks,
but over a quarter of an hour had passed. He was found at the bottom
of the hole, in eight feet of water, as I have said. There he was, the
poor little man, in his linen suit! Those are the facts such as I have
sworn to. I am innocent, on my honor."