"When are you gonna have dinner?" asks Alex.
"This here's eatless night with us," I says. "Not to give you a short answer."
"Don't pay no attention to him, Alex," says the wife. "You know you can eat here whenever you want."
"Sure!" I says. "Don't mind me. All I gotta do is pay for this stuff—that's all!"
The wife gimme a bitter glance.
"That's right," she says. "Tell the world that I have wed a tightwad!"
"What d'ye mean?" I hollers. "I'm as loose as ashes with my money and they ain't nobody knows it better than you. I don't even moan over the monthly phone bill, which from the last one you musta been callin' up friends in Australia!"
"Here!" butts in Alex. "This thing's gotta stop! Come on, kiss and make up. The first thing you know the Red Cross will be openin' a branch here. If I didn't know how much you people loved each other, I'd get the idea that you was really angry."
"Of course we love each other!" I says. "We only pull this now and then so's we won't get sickenin' to the neighbors by billin' and cooin' all the time! Ain't I right, honey?"
"Are you sorry?" inquires the wife.