It is a great thing for a parent to have such sympathy with his child that his child can tell him freely of his worst thoughts or his greatest failures without any fear of seeming to shock that parent, and so to chill the child’s confidence. It is a great thing for a parent to have such sympathetic thoughts of his child when that child has unintentionally broken some fragile keepsake peculiarly dear to the parent, as to be more moved by regret for the child’s sorrow over the mishap than for the loss of the precious relic. There is no such power over children as comes from such sympathy with children.
There is truth in the suggestion of Herbert Spencer, that too often “mothers and fathers are mostly considered by their offspring as friend-enemies;” and that it is much better for parents to show to their children that they are “their best friends,” than to content themselves with saying so. It ought to be so, that children would feel that they could find no such appreciative sympathy from any other person, in their enjoyments or in their sorrows and trials, as they are sure of from their parents. This is so in some cases; and wherever it is so, the parents have such power over and with their children as would otherwise be impossible. On the other hand, there are parents who love their children without stint, and who would die to promote their welfare, who actually have no sympathy with their children, and who, because of this lack of sympathy, are without the freest confidences of their children, and are unable to sway them as they fain would.
The power of sympathy is not wholly a natural one. It is largely dependent upon cultivation. An unsympathetic parent may persistently train himself to a habit of sympathy with an unsympathetic child, by recognizing his duty of learning how the child thinks and feels, and by perceiving the gain of getting alongside of that child in loving tenderness in order to bring him to a better way of thinking and feeling. But if a parent and child are not in sympathy, the best and most unselfish love that that parent can give to that child will be fruitless for such results in child-training as would be possible if that love were directed by sympathy.
XXVI.
INFLUENCE OF THE HOME ATMOSPHERE.
In the world of nature, life is dependent on the atmosphere. Whatever else is secured, the atmosphere is essential to life’s existence. It is, in fact, the atmosphere that gives the possibility of all the varied forms of vegetable and animal life in the earth and the sea and the air. So, again, the atmosphere brings death to every living thing, if elements that are hostile to life prevail in its composition. When the question of the date of man’s first appearance on our planet is under discussion, a chief factor in the unsolved problem is the nature of the atmosphere of the earth at any given period of antiquity. Without a life-sustaining atmosphere, life were an impossibility. Similarly, the question of the probability of other planets being inhabited, pivots on this consideration. Life and death are in the atmosphere.
It is not alone the component elements of the atmosphere that bring life or death to all within its scope; but the temperature and the measure of movement of the atmosphere go far to decide the degree of life that shall be attained or preserved within the scope of its influence. Unless there is a due measure of oxygen in the air, the atmosphere is death-giving. Without sufficient warmth to the air, its oxygen is of no avail for the sustaining of life. And even though the oxygen and the warmth be present, the force of the swift-moving air may carry death on its vigorous wings. No gardener would depreciate the importance of a right atmosphere for his most highly prized plants; nor would any wise physician undervalue the sanitary importance of the atmospheric surroundings of his patients. As it is in the natural world, so it is in the moral sphere: life and death are in the atmosphere.
A vital question in connection with every home is, Is the atmosphere of this home suited to the life and growth, to the developing of the vigor and beauty, of a child’s best nature? That question cannot always be answered in the affirmative; and where it cannot be, it is of little use to talk of the minor training agencies which are operative in behalf of the children in that home.
The atmosphere of a home is the spirit of that home, as evidenced in the conduct and bearing of the parents, and of all whom the parents influence. The atmosphere itself—there, as in all the natural world—is not seen, but is felt. Its effects are clearly observable; but as a cause it is inferred rather than disclosed. Indeed, the better the atmosphere in a home, the more quietly pervasive its influence. Only as the home atmosphere is inimical to the best interests of those who feel its power, does that atmosphere make itself manifest as an atmosphere, rather than give proof of its existence in results that cannot otherwise be accounted for.