We set out the 3d of May 1803, from the harbour of St. Domingo: I bid my distressed Country once more Adieu; thinking to myself it is perhaps the last.

My intention when I embarked was, to go to St. Malo, and take shipping there for the coast of Africa. I had on board a small cargo consisting of Sugar and Coffee, which when sold would have enabled me to begin a trade according to my purpose. We steered for the place above mentioned; six days after we were at Sea, we had such a rough wind, that we were obliged to reef our main and fore top-sails: all our efforts seemed to be unsuccessful, for we were driven amidst dreadful Rocks; and the winds redoubled with such violence that nothing was seen before our eyes but terrors; every moment we expected our fatal end to take place; we fired guns of distress from time to time hoping that some Ship would hear us and come to our assistance, if there was any about: but our endeavours were in vain, and we were cast in the midst of the Rocks. The scene is too cutting for me to relate it in all its parts, for it was enough to unman the stoutest Sailor: every man was in the most profound consternation; nothing was seen before our eyes but Death, and that in dreadful forms. At every instant pieces of timber were swimming about the almost wrecked Ship; the water covered almost the deck. We were in that deplorable situation till morning; and to our great joy, a Ship offered itself to our view[21]; we immediately put the long-boat out to Sea, to go to the Ship for refuge: I flung myself into the boat with what I valued most, and five other men did likewise. As our boat was too small to carry all the people, several were obliged to remain upon the wreck of the Ship, till we could return with the other Ship's boat to save them. We rowed away the boat, and went to the Ship that was in view; when there, the Captain asked me if all the people were come; I told him no, because our boat was too small to carry them, and we came to beg his assistance, for those miserable Creatures which are now upon the remainder of the wreck. He said, "they may save themselves if they can, but as for me I cannot go, the weather is too favorable for me to lose a minutes time; you may go back if you like to save them; but as for me, I will go my way." So he sailed, and we went with him; the others remained upon the wreck of the Ship, in the midst of a wide Ocean, without either help or hope. The Ship which saved me was a French Ship, and steered for his own place.

The 21st day of June 1803, being at Sea, we were met by an English Vessel who told us that war was declared between France and England, and for that reason we were taken prisoners, and conducted to Plymouth.

I stay'd 35 days in Plymouth, and was sent after to Tiverton in Devonshire upon Parole of Honour; there I remained five months, and was sent afterwards to Ashbourn in Derbyshire. I arrived at Ashbourn the 17th of december 1803, and was in such a deplorable state of mind, that I did not know what to do. Very often the public house was the place where I went to seek comfort, by getting intoxicated, and then casting all my sorrows behind me; I after awhile took such a delight in this course of life, that it became quite an habit to me; I was the greatest Sabbath breaker that ever existed; I was daily fighting or swearing the most execrable Oaths, which was enough to excite the anger of GOD against me. One morning being half drunk, I went out to take a walk; when passing through a dark foot path, I was persuaded by some evil spirit to put an end to my miserable life. For that purpose I went into the darkest part of the place, and took my knife out of my pocket to accomplish the horrid deed.—The instrument was already lifted up, and the stroke was to ensue; but an Angel of the LORD, (or some thing of that kind,) stopped my rebellious hand, and my weapon dropped from it; then many ideas came into my mind such as these, "Oh! miserable wretch, art thou going to plunge thyself into eternal misery? remember thou art going into Hell head-long, if thou dost such a thing:" I was struck with terror with those ideas, and was so frighted, that I durst not move from the place for fear that the justice of an avenging GOD should fall upon me. I stay'd in that place for some time, and went home with such a burden, that I could hardly bear: having my head cast down as if I was a criminal, for I durst upon no account lift it up.

I was for several days in a such distressed state of mind, that I had not courage enough to go out; for I thought every body knew what was the matter with me; and to appease my wounded conscience, I thought that a reformation would have been sufficient to justify me in the sight of GOD: so that I began to build, as it is said upon a sandy foundation, by performing a few formal duties; thinking that by my good works, I should merit the favours of GOD so as to forgive me all my trespasses. The plan I had formed was this: having a Roman Catholic prayer book, I thought it was all-sufficient to calm my troubled breast, and to bring me to a perfect state of happiness. So every night and morning I used to kneel down, and taking the prayer book I read the morning and evening prayer; this performance I thought would please GOD, and get me from under the terrors of an accused conscience: but in all these vain duties I never looked to JESUS for forgiveness or remission of sins, neither to his precious and cleansing blood, nor could I perceive the depravity of my corrupted nature: but I depended wholly upon my best endeavours and good works. I continued but a little time in doing those erroneous duties, and felt insensibly at last that all my fears were vanished away; I was like the dog, returning to his vomit again: for I begun the same method as before, keeping all sorts of bad company, and breaking the sabbath with drinking, swearing and fighting &c. I was at the least five days drunk in the week, and always quarrelling.

One day in one of my mad fits, (though I was not drunk,) I resolved to delay no longer to put an end to my miserable existence; for that purpose I went into a garden near by: the same instrument that had been lifted up before, was again employed; I was in such great despair, that I was relentless towards my own life and happiness; so that I lifted up my sanguinary hand and struck my left breast twice[22].—I fell down senseless; some persons who were near, hearing the exclamation I made, which was, Oh! Mother, I shall never see thee again! came to see what was the matter; and to their great surprise, found me wallowing in my own blood. They carried me into my room for dead, and some person went to fetch the Doctor. As soon as the Doctor saw my wounds, which were through my lungs, he said, I can be of no use to him, for he has not ten minutes to live; but if he does, I may be of service to him: and went away. But he was soon fetched back again for I was not dead. When he came the second time, he gave me something to drink which recalled me to my senses: my inside being full of blood, he thought it would be proper to bleed me, it might ease me a little, for I could hardly breathe. After I was bled I fell into a swoon; the Doctor then said, if he lives till one o'Clock it will be a wonder. Some-body went to fetch a Catholic Minister[23], who lived in the same Town; when he saw me, he told me to recommend my soul to GOD, saying, that I had but a few minutes to live: and after this short exhortation he went out of the room, saying, it was too much for him to see.

I was restless all the night, for I could not sleep on account of the soreness of my wounds. When morning came I was so weak and so feverish, that the Doctor thought I could not live to see the sun set. Night came, and yet alive: but I was so tormented with ideas as before mentioned, that I durst not shut my eyes for fear I should awake in Hell. I was three nights without taking the least rest; for I was afraid to fall asleep, as I made it a sure thing in my mind, that if I fell asleep, I should awake no more. I felt myself in such a miserable condition, that I thought GOD would never forgive me. All the time I was in bed, I lay upon thorns as it were; for I was so filled with grief and sorrow, occasioned by my misbehaviour towards the everlasting being, that my life was quite miserable.

During the time of my affliction, I had such ideas and thoughts concerning my state, that I appeared to myself the vilest of men; but for all that I did not know from whence came these thoughts and ideas.

I was six or seven weeks before I could walk out; and was a great while before I could get any strength. I was five months in the most distressing state of mind, and continually tormented by some thing or other, which I could not discern. Some times I went out to meditate a little, but no sooner was I out, but was forced to return home again; because I could not rest any where. One day after many dreadful and frightful ideas, I felt some thing extraordinary in me; and then for the first time, I perceived that I was a sinner[24]; and one beyond expression: I saw the horrible state in which I was plunged; I felt that I was upon the very brink of destruction: and felt also, that no one could alleviate my pains but GOD. For that purpose I went to church; when there, I could hear nothing that could do me any good. At night I went to the Methodist Chapel; there I did not find any comfort so as to set me free. When at home, I went to prayer; but could say nothing but the LORD's prayer, which I knew from my infancy.

I spent the week in reading the new Testament; and longed daily with impatience for the return of Sabbath, that I might try again to seek a place where I could lay all my burden. When that happy day was come, I went to SION Chapel: the text was taken out of the twenty-seventh chapter of the Prophet Isaiah, the last verse; "and it shall come to pass when the great trumpet shall be blown" &c. I was very attentive at the preaching, in hopes I could hear some passage that might comfort my distressed mind. The Minister brought forward the Brazen Serpent in his discourse, saying, when Moses lifted it up, he said, whosoever shall believe in it, shall be saved; for thus shall the Son of man be lifted up. I felt a little comfort from these words, but not sufficient to calm my troubled mind; because of the weakness of my faith. As I had not heard sufficient, I went at night to the Methodist Chapel. I did not dislike the sermon, but did not feel so much there as I did at SION Chapel: I spent the week rather better than I did the last, and was not so much distressed.