LUCIA
There you go again!
HELIOGABALUS
What have I done now? Mentioned underdrawers! Well, if a man isn't to mention his underdrawers to his wife, who is he to talk about them to? And if he doesn't talk about them in a bedroom, where is he to talk about them?
LUCIA
[Primly] Why talk about them at all?
HELIOGABALUS
Why? Simply because they have to be talked about. [With growing irascibility] Don't their buttons come off? Don't they get lost in the wash? Don't they shrink? Don't they split up the back? Don't they tickle?
LUCIA
Well, why didn't you let me know it?